How is it that I can feel incredibly happy one second and instantly sad in the next? My best friend since first grade just had her first child, and I couldn't be happier. Blake William is perfect. I'm so excited to be an Auntie and to spoil this little man.
I held him in my arms for almost two hours and he was just, sigh, perfect.
He had that baby smell and his skin was so incredibly soft and perfect. His little cone shaped head with blonde hair covering it— priceless. The spitting image of his Daddy. It was amazing to see this little man come from being in mommy's belly one day and then be welcomed into the world the next. I couldn't stop staring at him.
On the car ride there I cried tears of happiness. Then on the car ride home from the hospital I couldn't stop crying. And not for the happiness of my friend (how terrible is THAT!) but for the sadness that I feel because the feelings that she's able to experience right now, I may never have. The joy her husband feels. The love her mother feels. That completion of a family.
I keep saying, maybe I'm not meant to be a mom, maybe I'm meant to do other things... but today, while holding that little man, I have to say, it felt kinda, well... perfect.
Welcome to the world Blake William; It's kind of a scary place, but your mommy and daddy (and your auntie) will help you along the way. It's never easy, but right now, as you're in mommy's arms sleeping, it's kind of perfect- we will all try really hard to keep it that way.