I Think I Can, I Think I Can...

Well, 2013 good riddance!

I'm kinda excited that you're almost over. Not gonna lie, you weren't the best year, not the worst either, but definitely not the best. Maybe it's because I'm getting cynical in my old age, but I keep on looking back on my life and thinking about which years were the best. Well, 2013 you were almost the worst. I'd say 2003 beats ya, maybe even 2005, but hell, that was ten years ago, and I was still a kid! So in my adult-ish life, you sucked more than most years.

This has been by far my laziest year on record. I think I hit the gym til about March and then crapped out. I'd pick it up here and there, but mostly I just was a lazy ass and my ass shows it.

I felt very unfulfilled at most things this year. I love the people I work with, but I think I've reached the age to safely say that bar tending is just not the fun that it used to be. It's always been nice to walk away with cash in hand at the end of the night, but I must say that I'd trade it for a normal routine in a heartbeat. I wish I realized that in 2010. Dinner at home, at my unused dining room table would be really kinda awesome. Poor, beautiful, table. At least it's used for collecting mail.

I'd have to say that by far, 2013 was the best year for my music. So, 2013 you do have some redeeming qualities. We got to play at the Bluebird, and we've successfully played a bunch of gigs in our hometown area. Plus our demo is almost done, but i'll push that to 2014 for the true excitement, seeing that I don't have it in my hands yet.

This is my last New Year's Eve working at my bar. It's kinda bittersweet. I've never been a big NYE person, everyone knows that, but there's definitely something about it that feels like a true ending. You can start new at the stroke of midnight. And that's what this year is all about—I've got some big promises to fill this year. I'm not good at keeping promises, so I try not to make them, and I hate when other people do, but I'm going to keep this promise and try like hell to make the most of our music this year. I'm going to work my ass off. And hopefully in doing so, some of my ass comes off in the process! Double score!

So, goodbye 2013.

Hello 2014. Nice to meet you. Please treat me well.

So Amazing…

Friday night was just incredible.

It was incredibly humbling and I felt so blessed.

Every once in awhile when you feel alone, that people think you're crazy, and that no one believes in your big dreams, God shows you that you are completely wrong in thinking so.

Friday we played at the bar that I've been bar tending at for 8 years. Most people who frequent the place know that I have big dreams to be a singer/songwriter, but some still haven't heard me sing. Between karaoke and jumping in on a Patsy Cline song with one of our regular musicians, you'd think that almost everyone has heard me by now, but they haven't! So, when I booked our gig at my home bar I still really wasn't expecting everyone to come out. You know how it is when everyone promises to come and see you play; that they wouldn't miss it for the world, but then, no one shows up, well that was exactly what I was expecting. I was so wrong!

The night started off with just a few family members and then more family members. We were happy to see that, but then about two songs in, it happened! The place started getting packed! Call it good timing with the holiday season or call it good promotion on my part, but man I couldn't believe it. Six o'clock on a Friday night and there was standing room only and a wait list at the door. Everyone was asking the hostess if they could be seated where they could see the band. I couldn't believe my eyes. It was unbelievable and the best feeling in the world. Talk about feeling famous in a small-town!

I Could Never Get Enough...

My pups are the cutest thing ever, right?! 

They make mommy and daddy so proud. They are the greatest gift ever. Not only do they add so much joy to our lives, but they helped make us feel more and more like a family, even without human little ones running all around. We always promised ourselves that we wouldn't call each other mommy or daddy to our dogs, but it took us only about a week of having Luna in our lives that we slipped up. I can't believe she's going to be four this year and Stella will be two. The time has just flown by. They give us so much love. These babies are just as loved as any kid could be.

A Little Christmas Spirit...

The past few months have been a tad hectic to say the least.

Have I thought about blogging? Well, no not really. But every once in awhile the feeling strikes me to start up my blog again. But let's face it, I get lazy and I start to think of how unimportant my little stamp in the blog world really is. Life is life and sometimes people really don't want to see pictures of your dogs, your clothes, or your significant other. We all like to put our best foot forward when we blog. We also don't like to show things that we might be scared of or things that we are scared to put out there. So, that's why blogging hasn't been priority number one for me. I've actually been pretty busy with life. My life with music. We've been playing gigs and getting paid! What a feeling that is. We have a gig tomorrow night that I'm looking forward to; it's the first time that my brothers will be home and hear what I'm doing. I'm beyond excited!

The new year will be pretty damn good. I'm convincing myself of that…

I can't wait to get our little demo done for Pearls & Poison. It's the highlight of everything in my life right now and I've made huge promises that I really hope to keep. I'm hoping I can become someone who doesn't just dream, but does. I've got big aspirations along with my music partner, and I really feel like we've got what it takes to keep moving to the top. But with big dreams comes big risks. I'm scared out of my mind. I'm willing to put that out there. I can't believe that I've been dreaming of writing music and singing for so many years and I always thought it was something that I was suppose to do. I always thought that eventually that dream would change over time and I'd get more "realistic." But I guess when you're suppose to do something, it just doesn't go away. I hope I'm right. 

The Bluebird Cafe...

I'm still in shock.

I can't believe that we played at The Bluebird Cafe.

Amy and I made a trip down to Nashville and decided that we would put our names in the hat and try to get in on the lottery for the Monday night open mic night.

We arrived our two hours early. Amy got on line and I parked our little wind up toy rental car.

It was cold. It was wet. It was snowy.

I found us some amazing hot apple cider; It still didn't help against the sting of the cold snow. I really wasn't expecting to feel snow like that down there, but I'm pretty sure it just followed me from New York. We all know how much I just love snow.

Thankfully the snowy night worked in our favor. We were in. We got to play. I was so beyond nervous because this has been a dream of mine for so many years. It didn't exactly go as planned, but let me tell you, I wouldn't change it for the world...

I was so nervous when our number to play started getting close. I was texting my hubby the whole time and he was so excited for me; he knew this was a dream come true. We knew that we'd sing our song "Lost Chances" but for some reason, even though it's our most comfortable song, my nerves just wouldn't' go away. But I keep trying to remind myself that if I'm not nervous i'm not ready…

 To say the least, we have such an awesome story to tell when we make it big! I chatted up the crowd a little while introducing ourselves, but then we started and everything felt so right. Then all of a sudden Amy stopped strumming the chords. I immediately thought that she broke a string and in my head I just laughed, like,  this is what would happen… but it got even better. Amy dropped her pick… no, not on the floor, in her guitar! Thankfully, it was endearing and completely funny! We both handled it so well, just like old hat! Once Amy scanned the room for a new one, we continued on like nothing happened. It feel like our first time at the Bluebird couldn't have gone any better.

You'll have to watch the video to see! And since I can't seem to upload it, you'll have to check out our Facebook page.  Search for "Pearls & Poison."

Then we made a night of it and hit up the Gaylord Opryland, I had to take Amy there- there's nothing like it around Christmas time. We had horrible flights and a moment at the Bluebird that definitely could have gone a little smoother, but in the end, we bonded more and had a little inside look on what our lives will be like when we're there one day! What a perfect getaway!

Day by Day...

Ok. Let's be honest. Don't let anyone sugar coat getting your tonsils out. It's horrible. Absolutely horrible.

At first I thought to myself, in a state of drunken anesthesia, "this isn't all that bad!" Fabulous! How great that this isn't what the doctors were saying. Well, once those drugs wear off, let me tell you, it's not fun. It's a constant battle between dryness and an overproduction of mucus. You feel the need to drink, but nothing, and I mean nothing will quench your thirst. Even when you can choke some ice cold water down, it hurts. Like worse than the worst sore throat you've ever imagined kinda hurt.

Did I mention it's not fun?

I kept thinking, ok, weight loss. Anything to lose that pesky last 10 pounds. But then you realize that you're putting on water weight because you're drinking. A lot. And you've taken in no food, so there's not much coming out if you get what I'm saying.

Then you can't work. So, what do you do? In your week of boredom you go through facebook, pinterest, and instagram.  Bad idea! Stay away from these sites as much as possible. Want to know why? FOOD. Everyone and their mother wants to post what they are eating, what they are going to eat, and what they plan on making one day to eat. And it's horrible! Absolutely horrible.

This was my revenge.

That's right Day Three of "healing."

How absolutely disgusting right?!

Go ahead, post some more foodie pictures to your Facebook and Instagram to torture a poor girl that can't eat! I'll teach you. I did actually feel bad about posting the picture, so I took it down. I didn't want anyone to puke; I just wanted to ruin their supper.

I've been completely addicted to sweets for about a year and I have to say that this little getaway from food has definitely helped nix that a bit. If I never eat another popsicle again, I think I'll be incredibly happy. I'm pretty sure that I've burned off those sweet tastebuds.

Tomorrow is my ten day check up with my Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor.

I'm finally starting to sound normal, and the ear pain and head pain has also subsided a lot. I'm pretty sure that day five was the worst of it. I'm pretty sure I asked my husband to just off me and end my misery. He didn't. Aren't you thankful?

I'm a Big Baby...

So i have to get my tonsils out. I'm 29 years-old! Who gets their tonsils out at 29? Well, i guess the same girl who has back surgery at 27! UGH!

I'm really not looking forward to it, since every Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor has painted a really crappy picture for the recovery. I've been told that I'll be in pain for a minimum of 10 days and a maximum of three weeks. Let's just say, i'm really not looking forward to it. I'm kind of a big baby. And i really love being taken care of. Let's just say thankfully mom is up for the challenge. Everyone says, "Oh exciting, at least you get to eat ice cream..." well not me, unless you've got a massive box of Lactaid along side of it. That's right, what's more torturous than giving a girl the freedom to eat ice cream for three weeks straight, then making her lactose intolerant so she can't without doubling over in pain?! I mean seriously! How rude!

Thankfully, I really do love rainbow sherbet. Mom better turn on the extra freezer to keep me in constant supply. Nothing like mom and sherbet to make you feel young again. So cool.

This looks fun. I keep occupying myself with nasty pics of tonsils and comparing mine. Mine keep winning too. At least before my 1700 mg of amoxicillin i'm taking each day.

Wish me luck. August 2nd is D-day.

After that i'll be in rainbow sherbet/pain killer coma. Please don't disturb.

This Crazy Life...

It's been one of those weeks where I just have to take a step back and wonder how God works his many wonders. My life has been insanely blessed. I have come from a broken home and yet I learned to love with all my heart. Instead of my heart being depleted by the sadness, I was lucky enough to be loved by extra people. I dreamt big as a little girl and always wanted to just be special in the eyes of my friends and family. I always wanted love. The love that people write about. The love that cheesy Lifetime movies are made of. The love that songs are written about. I always wanted someone to look at me and know that they were special in my eyes and that without them I wouldn't be the woman I am today. I found that love.

I've never stopped wanting to put all of the emotions I feel into song. I wrote my first poem when I was 8-years-old when I liked a boy that no one from my school knew. He was an older, church boy. How scandalous. I remember writing down these poems in my diary and then making melodies to them. Crazy, cheesy songs. I remember singing them in my closet so no one else could hear. Over the years, the child in me left and the adult took over. Logic took hold. It always does.

Something keeps calling my name. I can't stop feeling as if the child in me, that is still alive in my heart and in my words, is the reason that I don't have a child of my own yet. The Lord works in mysterious ways. I will not question Him. He knows more than I do. He knows the plan, but if He doesn't and is just letting me take the driver's seat, my life's journey will be scattered with Him carrying me through the trying times. I need Him more than I've ever needed him. He will not steer me wrong. But if He lets me take control, I sure hope He gives me a lot of understanding and continues to let my angels watch over me.

God, if you hear me, thank You for everything and everyone You've put in my life. You are truly amazing. I can't imagine my life being even a little different. You knew exactly who I need when I need them. It's a pretty freaking amazing life You've given me. I hope it only gets better.

I have been blessed.

My 29th Year...

My birthday has come and gone and I couldn't be happier. I felt such a massive build up over turning 29 this year; it's the year before the big 3-0 so of course, as a woman, it's suppose to mean something. I completely fall into this category of women who believe that all things in life need to be accomplished by this age milestone; Marriage, Family, Career.

However, at the age of 29 I've decided that instead of focusing on all of these things, I really have only one thing that I really need to concentrate on: My happiness.

I don't know where we lose this. Where we lose the concept that our lives need to revolve around the needs of others and not on our own needs as human beings. I've had a long year of reflection this past year and I have to say I'm not happy with all of the decisions I've made, but my sometimes in my moments of clarity I start to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I had one of my friends from high school message me while I was in Nashville and I have to say, it brought tears to my eyes. We use to be inseparable back in high school. The older I get, seeing her successes and hopes and dreams makes me excited.

"so...i don't know if you know/believe in the saturn returns...but it turns out it starts around 29 instead of 27 like i orginally thought...which gives me hope because I see you are on a new path and I think I am too...and it bodes well for us both because we can make our dreams come true now!! so that might have been lame, but i hope you enjoy nashville and keep going for your dreams and you and I can laugh and one day remember way back when our journeys to the top!! 

It's amazing what age does and how it changes the desires of your soul. Three of us friends had dreams of making it big, I'm still hoping those dreams come true.

My lyrics have grown through my struggles and through my new sense of creativity. Not only can I write from my own perspective, but my creative side is just overflowing with ideas lately. I've never felt so proud of the work I've done, like the work I'm putting out now. I have such a huge desire to succeed at music. I'm taking lessons. I'm entering contests. I feel proud. Finally.

I'm still struggling with the guitar, but I struggle with everything that I don't feel at home with. If it's out of my comfort zone, I tend to shy away from things instead of pursuing it further. I don't know why I still have a sense that people will judge my passions instead of accepting them. It's a hard struggle when the thing you love in life is the same as so many others. When you're not the only game in town, it's hard to make yourself stand out. Hopefully, with my writing and singing partner by my side, we can do just that. I'm excited. I'm scared. I'm excited.

Please Check Out "Pearls and Poison"

I hope you like some of the stuff you hear. Hopefully, this summer will include some pictures and some more originals and covers. I feel renewed and reinvented. I feel hopeful.

https://www.facebook.com/PearlsAndPMusic