This Crazy Life...

It's been one of those weeks where I just have to take a step back and wonder how God works his many wonders. My life has been insanely blessed. I have come from a broken home and yet I learned to love with all my heart. Instead of my heart being depleted by the sadness, I was lucky enough to be loved by extra people. I dreamt big as a little girl and always wanted to just be special in the eyes of my friends and family. I always wanted love. The love that people write about. The love that cheesy Lifetime movies are made of. The love that songs are written about. I always wanted someone to look at me and know that they were special in my eyes and that without them I wouldn't be the woman I am today. I found that love.

I've never stopped wanting to put all of the emotions I feel into song. I wrote my first poem when I was 8-years-old when I liked a boy that no one from my school knew. He was an older, church boy. How scandalous. I remember writing down these poems in my diary and then making melodies to them. Crazy, cheesy songs. I remember singing them in my closet so no one else could hear. Over the years, the child in me left and the adult took over. Logic took hold. It always does.

Something keeps calling my name. I can't stop feeling as if the child in me, that is still alive in my heart and in my words, is the reason that I don't have a child of my own yet. The Lord works in mysterious ways. I will not question Him. He knows more than I do. He knows the plan, but if He doesn't and is just letting me take the driver's seat, my life's journey will be scattered with Him carrying me through the trying times. I need Him more than I've ever needed him. He will not steer me wrong. But if He lets me take control, I sure hope He gives me a lot of understanding and continues to let my angels watch over me.

God, if you hear me, thank You for everything and everyone You've put in my life. You are truly amazing. I can't imagine my life being even a little different. You knew exactly who I need when I need them. It's a pretty freaking amazing life You've given me. I hope it only gets better.

I have been blessed.