The More You Know...

My family is pretty amazing. We all live in different parts of the country, yet we still try to be there for each other when it counts and even just to give each other a little well needed shit talk; like when your hated football team, which happens to be your brother's favorite, wins the Superbowl.

I'd say I consider myself lucky, but I know that there are tons of families that are much closer than ours. But we do have one constant: Our mother. She's not only the leader of our family and the glue that ties us together, but she is the voice of reason and reassurance when times get tough and we all need a little piece of home. She has proven time and time again, that she will sacrifice for us, and I hope she always knows how appreciated that really is.

Moving to Tennessee, so far, has not felt like the best decision of my life, but I keep moving forward because I know that my mom is proud of my decision and that she keeps the faith for me, even when I get down on myself about the progress of things. From having my place broken into, to working at a job that I don't exactly love, my mom is there to tell me to keep going and that everything happens for a reason.

My brother that lives in Florida had a rough patch for the start of 2015. His place was broken into and a lot of stuff was stolen, but on top of that, both his partners and his car were stolen. To say the least, it was not the New Years start that they were looking to have. But his friends, who have also become his family, came together to help them out and give them a start at a new normal in their new home. Sometimes it takes a lot of shit to realize the light at the end of the tunnel. My brother is like George Bailey in It's a Wonderful Life, he wants so much to change his hometown, but he's got so much wealth from the love of his family and friends. He will never be pour.

My oldest brother that lives in Vermont has amazed me time and time again. We've been talking more  now that he's in the world of the iPhone. I like getting to know the man he has become since he left home at eighteen. The fact that he has become such an amazing, hands on guy, that has so much knowledge and skill about how to fix things and do things around the house, without having someone ever teach him the way, just makes me feel so proud. He says he had no choice. But he did. He could have chosen to wallow in the fact that he didn't have a man to look up to in his life, but instead, he chose to be a better man. He found a woman who loves him and understands him, and as I've said to him, hopefully life will get easier, but he has a wife to hold at the end of the night when times feel too tough to handle. He is blessed. Sometimes the shitty things in life are the things that make you stronger and make you want more than the status quo.

My brothers have turned out to be pretty amazing men. If you asked me in my early years what I thought of them, I probably would have told you that I hated them. But hey, they were throwing gum in my hair and jumping off the "top turnbuckle" to attack me. There wasn't much I loved about them as a kid. They still give me shit. They still pick on me. They still treat me like their little sister. But I know that they love me now, it just took me awhile to realize it. I'm still mom's favorite.

A Little Christmas Spirit...

The past few months have been a tad hectic to say the least.

Have I thought about blogging? Well, no not really. But every once in awhile the feeling strikes me to start up my blog again. But let's face it, I get lazy and I start to think of how unimportant my little stamp in the blog world really is. Life is life and sometimes people really don't want to see pictures of your dogs, your clothes, or your significant other. We all like to put our best foot forward when we blog. We also don't like to show things that we might be scared of or things that we are scared to put out there. So, that's why blogging hasn't been priority number one for me. I've actually been pretty busy with life. My life with music. We've been playing gigs and getting paid! What a feeling that is. We have a gig tomorrow night that I'm looking forward to; it's the first time that my brothers will be home and hear what I'm doing. I'm beyond excited!

The new year will be pretty damn good. I'm convincing myself of that…

I can't wait to get our little demo done for Pearls & Poison. It's the highlight of everything in my life right now and I've made huge promises that I really hope to keep. I'm hoping I can become someone who doesn't just dream, but does. I've got big aspirations along with my music partner, and I really feel like we've got what it takes to keep moving to the top. But with big dreams comes big risks. I'm scared out of my mind. I'm willing to put that out there. I can't believe that I've been dreaming of writing music and singing for so many years and I always thought it was something that I was suppose to do. I always thought that eventually that dream would change over time and I'd get more "realistic." But I guess when you're suppose to do something, it just doesn't go away. I hope I'm right. 

Are We There Yet?

I'm not going to lie, I've without a doubt disappeared from the blogging world. I haven't only stopped blogging, but I haven't read a blog in about 6 months either. I just lost all touch with a lot of things in my life. I've been overwhelmed and underwhelmed. I've been completely lost. I'd like to say that I've had a quarter-life crisis because it sounds really cool, but I'm 28 now and I'm pretty sure it's not a quarter of my life; unless of course I become a health nut and live into my hundreds like those old people in Japan. One can only hope right?

I'm a hopeless romantic and I'm a big dreamer.  My blog name has a lot to do with those dreams. I'm always striving to be "there"— that place where one envisions themselves being at the point that they'll be most happy in their life.

Just a commercial that makes me smile because I always think of "There" - courtesy of Mercedes-Benz

I want that place; I've always wanted that place where I can have everything. I'm incredibly selfish when it comes to that I guess.  I want it all.

I've had this dream since I was about 16 to write music. It's my passion. Writing is my passion. I went to college for Journalism and to be honest, it's just not my thing; even going through those classes I knew, I knew it wasn't really what I wanted to do, but we all do things and finish things to just get through the day and hopefully move on to the next step in life. That's what college was for me. It was passing the time. It was educational and honestly I found it enjoyable. I liked the deadlines. I liked being under pressure on no sleep. It was intense sometimes and I loved it.

I don't have that anymore. I don't have that pressure and I've completely lost that drive that I had even just a few years ago when I was in college. I live off of that. At least I did. Now, I just feel like a lost soul trying to find its' place in this world.

But things are coming together, even when everything sometimes feels like it's falling a part at the same time.  Does that sound confusing or do you completely understand what I mean? If you understand me, then maybe you know exactly where I'm coming from.

Sometimes everything that we dream of comes true.

Sometimes our dreams change and we have new dreams.

Sometimes our dreams get crossed and we get lost along the way because we're not sure if we can live both dreams simultaneously.

Around August I started writing music with a girl named Amy. She's young and she's a sweet heart and she's inanely talented. She also thought that I was like 23— God bless her.

I absolutely love the stuff that we've been coming up with together. It feels serendipitous. I've never felt so comfortable showing my words to someone and having someone just "get it." You can show words on a page to anyone and all they see are words and can't see it as a song. This girl can see the song. She can feel my feelings and make a melody out of it. It's kinda perfect. I'm giddy.

We're heading into the studio in February to record some of our stuff. I'm excited and yet scared out of my mind. But I can't wait to hear the result. I can't wait to start trying to figure out how to sell things. I need to figure out how to copy right and how to sell our demo. I guess I need to get on top of these things.

It's insane what we're trying to make a reality.

This is my childhood dream. I'm pretty sure this is hers too.

Sometimes my life feels like it's in a whirlwind. I'm so up and down and all over the place. I'm thankful to have friends, new and old, who are attempting to keep me sane. I don't know what I would do without a "Thinking of You" card and call from Florida, or a text message from California or Philly. My Golden Girl and I always pick up where we left off and if something happens in our lives we're always the first to know. We have all been through a lot in the past year. Lives are changing so fast. We've lost loved ones, we've gained new loves either in relationships or in forms of babies, and we've been with each other every step of the way. A vacation to brag about, a new job, a birth, someone sending flowers when you feel down and out, or even a new friend knowing that sometimes you just need to gossip and have a glass of wine in order to get through the next few days, weeks, months, or years.

I have to say, I don't have a huge group of close friends, but those that I hold close and trust are so dear to me and I wouldn't know what to do without them. As cheesy as it sounds, and I've said it before, I'm so thankful for the iPhone.

I refuse to believe that people can't have it all. I think that one can live their childhood dream and live the dreams that have already become reality. I want it all.  I want to be selfish. I want to have my cake and eat it too (I've never really understood that saying, who would want cake without eating it?!).

I'm going to blog again. I love blogging and I miss it. I've just been in a rut and then in more of a rut. I'm hoping to get my ass out of it in every way. I want to focus on the things that have made me happy, but that I've lost sight of in the mess of every day life. For the few that read this, I hope you continue to again. I'll try not to disappoint and be all rutty again, instead I'll focus on being moony.

Obsessed...

Have you seen Ruche's new Lookbook?!  I'm Obsessed!!!!  

I'm pretty sure that my shopping cart has six items already.  I can't stop going through and finding all the little details that I love about the looks!  And the model is breathtaking! 

I know I've been a bad blogger, but I'm a tad busy in my real world.  Life has too many blessings.  It's hard to keep up with them all.  In true dilettante style, I'm working on so many projects.  Hopefully, I'll show you some soon.

Happy Shopping!

New Beginnings...

I've been really feeling the need to change my header, but honestly, I've forgotten so much of my copy editing and layout class from college that I really didn't want to try to start up with the headache of using InDesign.  But alas, I finally broke down and decided to jump back in.  I'm no professional.  Honestly, it's just something I don't have patience for, until I start getting back into it, then I start enjoying it again.  

I hope it's not too bad, or too much of a change, but I'm kinda liking it.  

I was always one of those kids that rearranged my bedroom with the seasons, so having the same header for two years, started to kill me!  

My goals in life have been tweaked a tad.  My love of different things in life has grown.  I really felt the need to change my blog as my life has changed.

What do you think? Should I go back to my old one?  Revamp the new one?  

So many questions.  Let me know.

Wow, It's Been too Long...

So I've been a little preoccupied lately. I've been one of those bad bloggers— you know the ones who get people interested in reading about what they've got to say, only to go and get some sort of a life, so they barely blog anymore. Yup, that's me. Now when I say "some sort of a life" I really mean, we have a new member of our family, our puppy. Now when I say I've got readers, I really mean, my mom and my best friend. But, either way, I've been a bad blogger.

Have you ever had something or someone enter your life and then you think to yourself, "how did I ever live without this/them?" - Well, that's me with our puppy. I don't know how I went through the day without her. She's loving and playful and just a cuddlebug. I love it. When my hubby is away at work, I sit and cuddle with her or play with her, or even talk to her while I do my stuff around the house. Animal experts talk about animals having separation anxiety and they try to teach us humans on how to help the animals deal with it. Now, one thing they never mention is the separation anxiety that dog moms and dads experience. Because let me be clear on this, I am her human mother.

I never thought I would be one of those people that took a dog on car rides or took the dog to the store, but yup, I am. On her first night in our house I had to take her to a bar... in a purse. I came home from work to her out of her crate. As her mom I was scared for her safety, so I had to bring her with me when I picked up my hubby from his first night out in a long time. So there she sat, quietly in my bag to pick up her human daddy. I've taken her to Lowes and Home Goods. I've spent countless dollars on her vet visits and on her toys and food. Hubby has done the same. Seeing her little tail wag when we come home is worth every penny. It's worth every accident she's had in the house and on the furniture. I never would have thought that 1.9 pounds of fur could equal a million dollars worth of happiness. But that's exactly what she does.

So, if I've strayed from the blogging world, please forgive me. I am a new mother and I've had a countless number of sleepless nights due to my new puppy. I've had to bathe her poopy fur and clean her little eyes. Yet, all the time I've spent mad at her could never add up to a second of happiness that she gives me...

During my little sabbatical from blogging, even with working at actual paying jobs, I also enjoyed being a little nostalgic about my youth. Reading through old journals about who I was in "like" with and who I was "bosom buddies" with really made me think of how much high school and middle school really never mattered in the scheme of things (It also made me realize how pretentious I was as a little kid). I remember my mom saying to me when I was a kid, "remember these times, these are going to be the best years of your life." Thank God she was wrong! Reading back on journals and looking back on the chunkier years of my youth, I was a happy girl, but even at a young age, I focused on my weight and always felt out of place because of it. But I had a great friend. I had fun vacations with her and her family and at the time I thought we would be friends forever. Now I have no idea where she lives or how her life is turning out. I loved spending summers with her and I always felt accepted by her, but it's sad to me that those friendships from our youth never really last. I want to make sure that when I do have a child, I make sure that I let her/him know that the friendships of their youth will not make or break their future friendships or loves. Granted, I will fondly remember the times I spent with said friend and that friendship probably helped in developing me as a person, but in the end, we ended up not being "bosom buddies"- we ended up with separate lives and separate goals. As a kid I pictured growing old on rocking chairs with this person. I wrote in my Anne of Green Gables Journal about our adventures all the time. I couldn't believe that someone could want to spend day after day with me... I guess when you're a kid, you think these moments are the biggest in the world. In my little kid world, these days were the best... Being nostalgic and all, I found the Anne movies online and ordered them. I remember watching them for hours after getting out of the river bundled up under blankets. I just got the movies in the mail. I can't wait to spend ten and a half hours watching these movies and remembering these times...

The point is, as a kid, you think that every little thing that happens to you matters and is life changing, but looking back as an adult, you realize that none of it really mattered and that the only thing that matters is your family and how you view yourself. It doesn't matter if you're the pretty girl or the goth girl. It doesn't matter if you're a cheerleader or a band geek, what matters is that you take the time to figure out who you are and then the friendships you make will be the lasting ones. When you're still figuring yourself out and finding yourself, those friendships won't matter in the end. My best friends are the people that I never expected. One has been a constant friend since elementary school, but we always had other friends who we might have spent more time with. But we always knew that we could depend on each other. The other is one that I met in middle school, but even in high school, I never thought that we'd be best buds. She didn't think it either. Isn't it crazy how changes in life can change friendships and change your path? She taught me the art of sarcasm. Something my hubby is really thankful for. Really. No, not really. I love these girls. But no one compares to my mother...

My hubby (who is my newest best friend) can't understand why I never went through a rebellious stage against my mom. He says that every girl rebels against their mom at some point or another. I guess I'm strange then. I've always loved my mom and I was always thankful for her sacrifices and love. She's always understood me and gave me the freedom to figure out who I was and where I wanted to go. I never felt anything but love for her my whole life. I guess I'm a strange one hubby, but then again, you married me, so what does that make you? Huh? Just checking...

So I'm back to the blogging world. After working too hard, taking lots of time on the couch to do absolutely nothing, writing for things other than the blog, working out like a fiend, and being a wife and puppy mother, I'm happy to be back writing. I hope I don't disappoint again. But there are just somethings more important than blogging that are just too hard to resist...