Wednesday, June 10, 2009

First Workout Session...

So I had my first workout session with Jen Murphy today.  And I loved it.  Lori loved it too.  Jen is so honest and understanding.  She's not worried about the number on the scale- something people have been telling me to do for years but no matter what, if you're a "recovering" anorexic/bulemic/binger then you are always worried about the number on the scale.  I told her that my ultimate goal is to lose 25lbs.  I guess that was me being really honest with myself.  Sometimes it's only 15lbs but in my perfect world it really would be 25.  We mostly talked about goals and body percentages (mine is 26, i guess i should be 24 to be "normal" although i'm not sure normal will ever be achieved with me).  I just can't wait to really get started with training.  Jen says that 25lbs should be easy by the wedding date of September 21st.  We shall see.  Everyone says it's easy to lose weight, but I think only people who aren't trying to lose it are the ones that say it.  It's a struggle everyday.  I'm always struggling with this.  I just wish there was a point where this all got easier.  I wish there was a day that I didn't think about binge eating.  I wish there was a day that I didn't think about throwing up my food.  I wish there was a day that I didn't step on the scale.  I wish there was a day that I didn't look in the mirror and lift up my shirt to look at my stomach at least 20 times.  I want there to be a day that I wake up motivated to work out, motivated to eat right, and motivated to stick to my goals.  Not that there aren't days that I do this, but I'm looking for it to happen day after day, year after year.  I'm looking to not think about every move I make and every morsel I eat.  I guess I'm looking to feel what people call "normal"... maybe it will happen.  Every time 11:11 hits I make that wish.   One day it might work.

Tomorrow I'm working out with Lori and Nykki (my fellow bartender)... I can't wait.  I love have partners in this... 

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