Guilt...

I feel a little guilty for not going to one of Jen's classes last night, but I couldn't spare a minute of time. I woke up with every intent of going, but unfortunately I was thrown a couple of assignments my way, and had to opt for my computer screen and books instead. I know I needed to do it, but I'm really enjoying my workouts. With this class and work schedule, the only day this week that I'll be able to go is Friday afternoon. It's definitely a bummer. I feel stronger when I leave a session with Jen and I feel invigorated. It's just disappointing that school and work are causing so many conflicts. Maybe once the wedding passes I'll be able to fit more in. It's just that writing 3 or 4 papers a week doesn't leave me much time for myself anymore. And I love time for myself. To curl up with a good book or a cup of hot tea. That's the perfect ending to my day. I just wish I was able to have those perfect days a lot more. I guess I'll have to suck it up for now. As long as I keep my eating in check, I'll still be able to lose these last couple of pounds. Thankfully I do a lot of walking at school and I still try to make time for my 20 minute pilates dvd. I guess I'm starting to realize that I can't do it all. I have to get enough sleep in order to even function throughout the day, so sometimes the working out is the only thing that I can put aside; for now. So right now, I'm doing some class work between classes and sipping on a cup of green tea with lemon (courtesey of my big thermos and my lemon packets). I'm just waiting for those precious hours of sleep that await me tonight. And tomorrow afternoon before class, I hope to get some great stretching in with my pilates dvd. I need it. My back can't take this driving anymore. I'd rather stand all day than do this for 14 more weeks! But alas, I'll be working tonight, so that standing thing will be happening soon enough. I just can't wait for our wedding day... and now my best bud has asked me to be in her wedding in 10 months! It's so much to look forward to... I love getting dressed up and having fun with friends, and now I have an even better body to put clothes on! Yeaahh me! At least that's something that I'm not guilty about :)

Getting So Close...

The big wedding day is just around the corner... 17 days to be exact.  To say I'm starting to get stressed is an understatement, but it will all be worth it to see the joy on our friends and families faces... and more importantly on our own.  My progress has been great when it comes to my diet.  I'm eating 2 meals a day that contain a protein and veggies... and throughout the day I'm turning to veggies and fruit to keep me on track.  I'm down to 148 lbs.  I can't believe I weigh below 150!  It's honestly been about 8 years since I've weighed that little.  I couldn't be more excited.  I just wish I wasn't as stressed as I am.  Between a full work load at school (15 credits) and my full-time job, I'm exhausted.  Some days I'm only getting 2 hours of sleep after work before waking up for classes.  I can't stand commuting anymore.  My back is killing me!  I'm trying to fit in Jen and her classes in every spare moment I can get.  It's worth it.  I know it's worth it all because on our wedding day, I'll never have to worry and say "do i look fat?" I've never felt happier about myself and about the way the hubby looks at me.  It's amazing what 20lbs can do for a woman's self-esteem.  The only thing I long for is more hours of sleep.  Oh the joys of summer, how I miss you!  Today was the first day that I was able to finalize some wedding stuff.  It felt good to get some things done.  It felt great to realize that I really don't have much left to do.  17 days and counting... I can't wait!  I'm so glad I pushed myself to lose this weight before the big day... I may have lost my boobs, but I've gained so much confidence!  Love, love, love this feeling! 

One Month Till the Wedding!

One month till our wedding and I'm on such a perfect path to losing the weight I want to before the big day.  I'm at 151 right now, by the big day I'd like to weigh 145-140.  For me, that's a size 6.  A size 6! I haven't been that size since I was 16 and this time, I'm actually doing it the right way.  Eating right, mostly a diet of protein, fruits and veggies and lots and lots of exercise.  Jen Murphy is a miracle worker.  My body is changing so much and I love looking at myself in the mirror right now.  I can do pull up crunches with ease now.  Crunches are getting easier and easier.  Squats are like nothing now.  The pain is getting easier to bare after my workouts and I feel so energetic.  I'm following Jen's recommendation of making sure I have protein everyday.  I take this protein called New Whey.  It's basically like a shot of liquid.  Not like a needle, it's like a shot of alcohol- but doubled.  It's the easiest way for me to get my protein in and I can drink it right after my workout or keep it in my pocketbook and drink it quick at work.  It's the easiest way for me to get it in- and I don't have to get out my blender or drink some nasty thick shake.  I love this protein.   Check it out.  

Today was my wedding dress fitting.  It was amazing.  The dress is big on me, but they don't want to take it in until my next fitting on September 12th because they don't want to take it in more than once.  My veil was almost finished and my hair clip is amazing.  I'm beyond cloud 9 right now!  Unfortunately, losing this weight has also caused me to lose a lot of my boobs.  It sucks, but I'd rather be thinner with a smaller chest then big with a bigger one.  If the fat has got to go, it can go from anywhere on my body, I'm not too particular.  I can't wait for my next fitting!  So much to look forward to... 30 days!  I'll officially be a Mrs.  

So Jen is adding a Wednesday and Friday afternoon class to her schedule once the kids go back to school.  A 1 pm class is perfect for us night working girls.  That means I might be able to get in 4 days a week with Jen.  I love it... I think I'm getting obsessed with working out.  This is a nice addiction.  I'd rather love this than my obsession with food.  Life is good...

I Love Cooking...

After a nasty bought with my IBS I decided to go off of Jenny Craig.  I think the massive amounts of sodium that are in frozen dinners are just not good for my body.  I'm back to eating fresh fruits, fresh veggies, and chicken... it just made me think, I love to cook.  I love making meals into healthier version of standards.  And my hubby loves my meals too, so I guess I'm not that bad of a cook.  I wish I could open my own restaurant, but to make money you need to have money to spend... maybe one day.

So yesterday, I hit up one of my favorite places, Soon's Orchard, and bought organic peanut butter (for $2) and tons of apples, blueberries, peaches, nectarines... I love local farms, and I wish there were more in my town, but that's the nice thing about going back to school soon, New Paltz is full of local markets.  I hear there's a farmers market on weekends in my area, but to get anything good you have to make it there at 8 am.  That's just not going to happen when I go to bed at about 4 am on Friday night... maybe one day if I ever work a normal schedule.  But tonight I must say, I think I outdid myself with the food for hubby's dinner tomorrow... Cheddar bacon Chicken- low fat, low sodium, and still full of taste.  I can't wait till he eats it.  I love cooking... I've missed it so much.  

Feeling Frustrated!

My weight is not budging.  I'm doing what I'm supposed to do, but nothing is working... am I complaining? Yup.  I have stomach problems that are plaguing me and I feel like it's the reason I just can't budge.  Jen thinks I need to step up my cardio from walking.  I think it's a combination of both.  It's just so damn frustrating.  I'm so hungry after my workouts so it's hard to keep my head moving toward a goal.  I know sometimes I eat too much, but too much fruit and veggies? How is that possible?  How can the things that are good for you, keep you from getting what you really want?!  The days I eat a lot of fruit and veggies to stay off my hunger, my stomach problems act up even more!  I'll try to keep what the hubby says in mind, "drink water and wait 20 minutes before you go for something more to eat..."  I'm trying... did I mention that I read the Monica Seles memoir? I want to say, if she could lose weight, so can I, but let's be realistic...  I've been in such a mood the past couple days because I feel disgustingly bloated and in pain... why can't this be more simple?  I don't want to feel like these sessions with Jen are a waste... this week will be two days in a row with her, let's see some more results body!  ughhh... let me just be in my mood

Step by Step...

Went for a nice walk yesterday with my best bud and it felt great.  My back is hurting a little bit today, but I'm pretty much convinced that it's from my long night at work and not from the walk.  So I'm relaxing at home and sitting on my heating pad.  It's been awhile since I've needed to relax my muscles like this, but it's definitely feeling good.  I got my new easytone shoes from reebok in the mail on Tuesday.  I've been talking about these shoes for awhile, but finally broke down and bought them about two weeks ago.  I needed new shoes for work, so of course, I had to buy them in black.  With as much walking and standing I do at my job, I figured these shoes would be perfect to help me tone up the tush a little bit more.  It could be all a fraud, but I let you know how I feel once I look in the mirror in a couple of months.  Anything to supplement my workouts and eating lifestyle is welcomed.  I like the shoes.  I feel like my legs are a little more achy by the end of the night, so in my eyes, aches mean that post workout feeling that I'm starting to love.  The walk with my bb was so nice.  We walked through a local cemetery that is just beautiful (in the day time).  It leads to the spot where our two local rivers meet, and three states meet.  Unfortunately, our town has let this land get a little overgrown, but we decided that it might be our job to complain to the common council.  They act like they're proud of this spot, yet they've let it become something that doesn't even remotely look like a landmark.  Our walk kept us intrigued... looking at the dates of those who have passed, what names were popular during which time periods, and which names we couldn't even pronounce.  It's a great spot to walk in the sunlight of the afternoon because there are so many trees; you actually forget that it's hot out.  Tomorrow we're walking in High Point.  It's a great walk which can be followed by a swim in a lake.  I don't think it gets any better than that... 

Cancelled Sessions...

I love having workout partners, but it gets hard because of conflicting schedules and cancellations.  I had to workout without my one partner on Monday and my session for tomorrow has been cancelled by my other partner.  I need these sessions to continue flowing forward because it's hard to stay motivated without my trainer.  So I'm popping in my pilates dvd before I head out to work today and tomorrow one of my bff's is going to hit the pavement with me and go on the long walk to nowhere in particular.  I love the long walks, I'm just hoping that the weather holds out tomorrow and saturday.  Right now I just gotta keep my food on track and keep myself motivated to continue working out even if I don't have the benefit of a trainer.  It's not easy going at it alone.  I'm trying to surround myself with like-minded people... hopefully they continue to be motivating...