Ayurveda Cleanse... Day 4

I'm still feeling amazing.

But one very strange thing is happening... the yoga lady said that we would start to feel our bodies all over, like down to the molecules... sounds weird right?  Yeah, I said the same thing (probably even chuckled to myself and rolled my eyes a little).  BUT, it's true.  

My body feels tingly all over and every part of me has this strange ache (my hubby says that they've drugged me; he thinks I've joined a cult).  All I've done so far is drink the ghee...

That's 8 teaspoons!

Add A little almond milk in order to drink it and heat them up

You've got to blend them! Love my new magic bullet!

 So glad that's over...

Eating cleanly (fruits and veggies).  Use my netti pot...

 (It feels weird, but it really does clean your sinus' out; it feels amazing to wake up and be able to breath!).

Drink ginger tea (with every meal); take out the caffeine from my life.  Take Kapha vitamins—It's all been pretty simple.  Except of course for the drinking of the ghee (seriously, who drinks clarified butter?)  But I really do feel amazing.  Unfortunately, my body is starting to take it's natural course and I'm getting tired around 11 p.m. and I'm usually up for work until at least 2 a.m. so it's been a little bit of a struggle to keep my energy up to get me through a work night sans caffeine.  But I've found that if I eat some dried fruit or fresh fruit it gives me a boost to get through the night.  I'm actually thinking of keeping this no caffeine thing going.  It's still under negotiations in my mind.

My mantra for this week is, "I am strong."

I've been using it for everything:  When I get an urge to drink caffeine (I am strong), when working at a restaurant kicks the cravings into high gear (I am strong), some asshole cuts me off in traffic (I am strong), or when the dress I wanted isn't in my size (seriously, who is an extra small? Why is it even on the rack?)(I am strong). 

So tomorrow starts Thank God I'm Not Drinking Ghee Again Day and instead I'm massaging with curred sesame oil (sesame oil smells amazing!).  

This is the Ayurveda way of cleansing the body from it's toxins on the outside (the ghee was in order to clean the insides of toxins).  I have to say, I'm really looking forward to the massage because my body aches so much; I'm feeling every pain and every ping that comes through my nerves (I feel so in touch with my body).

I can't wait to keep going on this cleanse and keep my mantra flowing throughout my mind each day.

I am strong.

Ayurveda Cleanse...

On Saturday I went down to my local herb shoppe for a session on learning about the Ayurveda detox cleanse.  I really wasn't prepared for what I was going to learn and I wasn't prepared for the length of the class (almost 5 hours of learning about Ayurveda!).

Ayurveda is sanskrit for wisdom of life or wisdom of living.  I went in to the class without an open mind, but by the end of the class I was feeling very lifted and optimistic.  It just taught me stuff that I couldn't deny about myself.

http://www.staengldesign.com/kapha.html

My dosha is Kapha:  "People with more Kapha in their constitutions tend to be of larger proportions, with a robust frame and padded joints, thick smooth skin that may tend towards oiliness, and rich, wavy hair. They are stable and calm in thought, speech and action, and are easy-going and supportive in relationships. There is an element of steadiness to their step, a quality of serenity in their smile. Loyalty is usually their second name. They are long, heavy sleepers and uncomfortable in damp, clammy environments. Calm and sweetness of disposition are hallmarks of balanced Kapha."

It also says that Kapha's shouldn't eat wheat or dairy because it causes imbalance.  It's crazy.  I know that dairy, breads, and pastas are the things that aggravate my stomach and cause me difficulty.  Yet, I love them.  It's something that I'm working on now that I know I should try to avoid them in order to feel my best.

I started eating really clean about a week or so ago so I could start the cleanse as soon as possible.  I started on Monday.  I feel amazing and it's only been two full days.  I'm not going to lie, the first day was really hard.  For the first four mornings I have to drink Ghee (clarified butter) but luckily I'm able to mix it with some almond milk and cinnamon (blended; the ghee and the almond milk are like oil and vinegar, they just don't mix).  This is so you can purify your insides within the first four days.  These first days you can only eat fruits and veggies.  No caffeine (that was the hardest).  I'm just amazed that I don't have a headache.  

The last four days include eating Kitcheri, sesame oil massages (to bring toxins out), and drinking some castor oil, and a whole lot of stuff that I'm not looking forward to, but I'm keeping an open mind now because I feel amazing and connected to my body (just like they said I would).  

My family thought I was crazy at family dinner on Monday for not joining in on the eating except for my bowl full of veggies, but I don't care, I wanted to do this for myself in order to make a good start at clean eating.  Hopefully, this jump start can keep me going on eating healthy.  

Three days with no caffeine!  Now that's the biggest accomplishment I could have ever achieved.

This should be interesting...

I'm Not Whining, I Swear...

You know those things that you never want your significant other to talk about, unless it's a conversation that you start or you start together? Like finances, sex, kids, etc. Well, the hubby and I never have a problem talking about any of these things. Sometimes we'll bring up these types of conversations, if we're in conversation mode. I feel comfortable talking to him about everything. He knows when I'm uber crampy because he knows when my time of the month is coming before I even know. It usually goes like this:

Me: "Ugh, I'm just not feeling right, I'm all moody, why do I get like this?"

Hubby: "What day is it? Oh, yup, it's about that time."

Me: "Really? It feels like I just had it. Hmmm, Ok. Why can't you have it this month?"

Hubby: "Sorry babe, can't help you there."

He ends up buying me a large box of stuff and I'm always really thankful that I didn't need to head out to the store in my condition. I mean come on, I'm hurting here! How could someone expect me to shop for myself? I think it's his way of saying he's sorry for not being able to take my pain away. I then end up spending the next few days miserable on the couch with a heating pad, complaining about everything in the world and wondering why everyone has to annoy me. I try to convince myself that this time is a perfect excuse for a sick day. But I never follow through. So I suffer and let everyone know I'm suffering. I'm the worst possible woman in the world. Could you imagine me pregnant? Oh Lord, help my husband handle my craziness if that ever happens.

The point is, we talk about everything and anything.

But a few days ago, he kind of threw me off.

After a long day at work, I came home to him eating six English muffin pizzas. Six of my favorite childhood food, other than Mac-n-Cheese. And I, being good, didn't ask for one, even though I suddenly and secretly craved one. Instead I ate some of the cheese that melted onto the pan. He asked me what I was doing. I'm eating the cheese I said. Thinking it was a silly question. He didn't like my eating the cheese. Hey, even if he wanted it, he had a bag of mozzarella cheese on those little, delicious English muffin pizzas, I was eating what was left of it! That was it, enough said. At least I thought so.

The next day he randomly says to me, "You know what I've noticed? I think when you stop exercising, you also start eating badly."

Me: (looking up from my daily Facebook fix) "Umm. Ok?"

Hubby: "I'm just saying, it's what I've noticed. It's like an all or nothing." (I quote even though I don't quite remember the exact words due to the shock I was in, so forgive me.)

Me: "Well, Jen was away on vacation and I was busy with work and besides, you don't know what I do when you're not here."

Hubby: "Yes I do, you always say what pain you are in after a workout."

Me: (evil grin) "Not always. Do we have to talk about this..."

...

Maybe it's just me, but all of a sudden I felt like I was being attacked for my cheese eating the night before. Now let me get this straight. I am a self-confessed cheese fiend. I could easily eat a block of cheese in two days time. But it's random. Sometimes it's peanut butter. It's always a toss-up between the two. Right now, I'm on my cheese kick, so sue me!

Isn't it an unwritten rule that husbands never talk about their wife's eating habits or weight? Unless of course, the wife brings it up.

In my head I was coming up with all these reasons on why he was wrong. Why he shouldn't ever have mentioned it. I mean, seriously, was he calling me fat?! Because in my woman mind, that's what I totally thought. I was not happy. I didn't want to talk about it. I was in defense mode. I was trying to prove him wrong and trying to show him that he was wrong for ever bringing it up. But in the end, after thinking about it. He's right. It is what I do.

I mean I love that we talk about everything, but this is such a touchy subject for me. When it comes to my weight, my eating habits, my laziness or my exercise enthusiasm, I don't want to talk about it, unless I want to talk about it. Otherwise I feel totally judged. I start waking up thinking, "God, please let me not eat the cookie at the birthday party because everyone is going to look at me and think, 'Why is the fat girl eating the cookie? No wonder she's fat!'" Even though I'm not really fat anymore. Just a little fat. It's so hard because in my head I will always be the fat girl. Always. It's something that the hubby just doesn't understand. Well, he does, he has had his vices as well, but you know how it is, you always think your problems are bigger than everyone else's.

So, hubby, I'm trying. I'm trying to kick this all or nothing mentality. It's OK if I have a cookie one day, as long as I don't turn it into a box. It's OK to have something not organic every once in awhile. I'm trying to realize that I don't have to try to be perfect, I just have to try to have a normal relationship with food and with exercising. To be healthy I need to work out everyday. To be healthy I need to eat food that comes from natural plants, not manufacturing plants.

The hubby was right and I was wrong. I have tried to come up with excuses for myself because that is what I've always done. It's hard to change at this stage. But I've been doing pretty good since I met him. My weight has been in a happy place for awhile now, give or take five pounds either way. I've been loving my workouts for the past year. Consistency is the key to everything. Thankfully the workouts have been the stable thing (unless my trainer goes away on vacation! how dare she!). But food is my downfall. I'm picking up this book after reading these key notes in Redbook magazine:

1) Realize that the size of your body isn't just about food.

2) Understand that weight loss isn't everything— but it is something.

3) Go ahead and feel bad.

4) Believe that you deserve happiness.

5) Eat when you are hungry.

These seem so silly. But isn't that how it goes with eating and fighting the battle? It all seems so simple. Exercise and eat healthy. Well, duh. Of course. But can't it be easier? This article says, "If you eat when you're not hungry, you're using food as a drug. And the question is: Why?"

I think I had an ahha moment.

I guess common sense is really the best medicine.

So even though it was hard to hear and even harder to say that he was right, I guess those unspeakable conversations that piss wives off, are really just a needed reality check. Our partners in life know us better than anyone else, so I guess it's not a bad thing when they call you out on the stuff that secretly plagues you. So kuddos to you hubby. You've got my number and the name of my game. But I feel pretty confident in the woman I am and the woman I have yet to be. So every once in awhile I might be a little moody, a little lazy, or want two slices of pizza instead of one, so just realize that I am human and I'm not perfect. The best part is, I'm finally realizing it too...

One Month Till the Wedding!

One month till our wedding and I'm on such a perfect path to losing the weight I want to before the big day.  I'm at 151 right now, by the big day I'd like to weigh 145-140.  For me, that's a size 6.  A size 6! I haven't been that size since I was 16 and this time, I'm actually doing it the right way.  Eating right, mostly a diet of protein, fruits and veggies and lots and lots of exercise.  Jen Murphy is a miracle worker.  My body is changing so much and I love looking at myself in the mirror right now.  I can do pull up crunches with ease now.  Crunches are getting easier and easier.  Squats are like nothing now.  The pain is getting easier to bare after my workouts and I feel so energetic.  I'm following Jen's recommendation of making sure I have protein everyday.  I take this protein called New Whey.  It's basically like a shot of liquid.  Not like a needle, it's like a shot of alcohol- but doubled.  It's the easiest way for me to get my protein in and I can drink it right after my workout or keep it in my pocketbook and drink it quick at work.  It's the easiest way for me to get it in- and I don't have to get out my blender or drink some nasty thick shake.  I love this protein.   Check it out.  

Today was my wedding dress fitting.  It was amazing.  The dress is big on me, but they don't want to take it in until my next fitting on September 12th because they don't want to take it in more than once.  My veil was almost finished and my hair clip is amazing.  I'm beyond cloud 9 right now!  Unfortunately, losing this weight has also caused me to lose a lot of my boobs.  It sucks, but I'd rather be thinner with a smaller chest then big with a bigger one.  If the fat has got to go, it can go from anywhere on my body, I'm not too particular.  I can't wait for my next fitting!  So much to look forward to... 30 days!  I'll officially be a Mrs.  

So Jen is adding a Wednesday and Friday afternoon class to her schedule once the kids go back to school.  A 1 pm class is perfect for us night working girls.  That means I might be able to get in 4 days a week with Jen.  I love it... I think I'm getting obsessed with working out.  This is a nice addiction.  I'd rather love this than my obsession with food.  Life is good...

Just Not Feeling Right...

Ok I've broken some rules when it comes to my stomach problems (IBS... at least that's what they think it is).  Let me explain...  For the past week since my last weigh in I've been feeling really cocky.  I do this all the time when I start losing weight.  I start feeling like I don't need to stick to a plan and I can do it on my own.  I know I'm wrong.  I'm always wrong with it.  That's why I never get to my goal weight.  I had at least 2 dunkin donuts coffee coolattas this week (skim milk no whip, as always)- this is rule number one with my IBS- NO COFFEE!  Then I ate cheese.  Not just a little bit of cheese, which doesn't hurt my stomach, but a lot of cheese.  Three times this week I had some mozzarella and some parm cheese.  It just tasted so good the first time, that I wanted it again and again.  That's rule number two- NO CHEESE!  So what happened this weekend?  I suffered from massive stomach problems.  Doubled over in pain and complaining and complaining.  It was, of course, my own fault, but I'll only admit to that here.  I had to take this nasty drink stuff (magnesium citrate) in order to help, but it's my own fault... Hopefully I've learned my lesson.

So today was another Jen Murphy day.  I talked to her a little about the pain that I've been in from the workouts and that afterwards I just have no energy to do anything.  It's getting frustrating because I want to workout three days a week to four or five, but it's really hard when all I want to do is sleep on the days that I'm off from working out.  I just need time to recover it feels like.  She thinks it might be the fact that I am on a calorie restricted diet.  She thinks that I need more protein after our intense workouts.  So I followed her recommendation today and took a protein shot.  I have to admit, I do feel a little better today.  But that might also be because we did a lot of pilates today and not as many squats and lunges.  We shall see tomorrow when I wake up-  we'll see how much pain my muscles are in.  The hubby and I went for a walk tonight too.  I have to admit, I absolutely loved every minute of it.  Unfortunately, he got bit up constantly, so I'm not really sure if they'll be a second go at it.  But, I did love it, so I might have to finagle my way into another night out with him like tonight.  Anything is possible...  Like me giving up cheese again- I did it for Lent, maybe I should try to give it up for good...