My Morning Wake-up Call...

Every morning, my little Luna likes to wake me up by giving me kisses.  Not her father, me.  She sleeps between our heads and lately, under the covers too.  I have to say that I love her little kisses so much, but as the weather gets colder and colder, I try to quietly push her to the other side of the bed so she'll give her dad wake-up kisses instead.

Sometimes her wake-up kisses start at 8 a.m. but mostly around 10:30.  It's the worst because I really only have a little bit more time to sleep, but she's decided that it's time to wake-up—now.  I'm so warm and then suddenly I have to pee too.  She's now decided my bathroom time.  Sometimes I think that I can hold it, so of course she can hold it too.  Then I lay there and decide that I can't do it anymore- so mommy goes first, then I trek downstairs to take her outside.  She likes to take her time.  She stretches.  She sniffs.  She attacks the leaves that have fallen on the porch and then gives them to me like they're presents.  She really is the best, but I just can't wait to crawl back into bed.

Then there are those moments where she gives me the, "please mommy, please" look: she wants to climb downstairs and use the grass instead of her porch placed wee-wee pad.  Sometimes I give in because she's just too damn cute.  Other times, I just keep saying, "no baby, not now, mommy's cold."  A lot of the time I just can't help it and I let her do what she wants; it's just that damn look she gives.  I wonder how I'd be with a real baby when she gives me that same look and not just my furbaby.  I'd probably be just as bad of a sucker.  I take comfort in the fact that my hubby is the same.

I love watching her go down the stairs.  Butt in the air, legs fling up with every step she takes.  Then she gets to the ground with the leaves surrounding her.  Her first encounter with leaves was quite amusing.  She was walking like it was any normal day in the grass; her favorite spot.  Then she felt a crunch and heard the rustling noise.  Suddenly, she hopped back.  Smelled the leaves.  Smelled the grass.  Jumped for cover.  Then she would take another step, and the same thing just kept on happening.  "Crunch" then lots of hopping,  running, and spinning.  It never fails to make me laugh.  She still doesn't get the leaves. It makes me laugh with every step she takes.  Even when I take her for a walk on her leash around the neighborhood, she never walks in a straight line, she zig zags through all the leaves on the ground.  

It will be interesting to see if anything is better than the little licks and kisses that my Luna gives me every morning.  Maybe it's just like the feeling that a real mother feels when she gets love from her children?  The little noises she makes, the little sighs of contentment, the feeling of her laying in a little ball on my lap, makes it all worth it. 

 Sometimes I don't want to be woken up.  Sometimes I just want to stay and bed and have her leave me alone.  Sometimes I quietly ask her for just five more minutes or one more hour of sleep.  Then I remember that I wouldn't know what I would do without her.  I remember how lonely I was when the hubby was at work and I was home alone.  Like any mother, I count my blessings for the joy she's brought to my life.  Still sometimes, I want her to go to daddy when it's time to go out.  The scary part is, winter is just around the corner— I know I'm going to hate every minute of the cold mornings, but I just can't wait to see her play in the snow.  

Do You Think It's Possible...

I'm waiting for this magical moment where I'm not tired. I feel like one day I'm just going to wake up and not be tired. I feel like I'm going to wake up and feel refreshed. Do you think it's actually possible? Because right now I know it's only my dream. I want to be one of those people who wake up and feel like 8 hours were enough. I want to wake up and feel like 4 hours were enough. I just want to not be tired. I look in the mirror and I feel old. At 25 years old, I feel like my body is crying out loud and yelling at me to just slow down and take in the moments around me. But I can't. I can't slow down because I have to work and I have to go to school. I wish I could be one of the lucky ones— one of those kids who goes to school and mom and dad pay for it— but I know that's not possible. I know I have a better life than most of the people around me. I know that I have the best husband in the world, a beautiful home, and an amazing family. I couldn't be luckier... I just wish I could be less tired. I want to be able to wake up and go for a run. I want to feel like I have energy running through my body instead of loads of green tea. I look at my wedding band and engagement ring, I dance in the living room with my husband singing into my ear and snuggling up to my face, I look at my mom and see the most amazing person, I sit in our home drinking a cup of tea— there are so many things that I have to be grateful for. I am so blessed. I just wish I could get a few more hours of sleep.

Everyone tells me, "just a few more weeks and you're done with classes and everything can get back to normal..." — why does it feel like these next few weeks are going to go so slow and I'll never be able to sleep again? Why can't I just see that J-school will be over soon and that I won't regret it? Maybe it's because I'm so frustrated with journalism and the business aspect of it all. I went into journalism because it seemed like a great solution for finding a career that went along with my love of writing... it seemed like a good idea a few years ago- now it just looks like I'll be bartending and writing blog posts to keep myself sane.

I need to go and run. I need to do pilates. I need to do yoga. I need to snuggle up to my hubby on the couch while reading a good book. *Sigh* In just a few weeks this will all be possible... please let these next few weeks pass very quickly.

Sick Again...

I'm sick again. I'm so tired of being sick. This is the second time in two weeks and I have so much school work to do and catch up on. So many interviews to do and I can't keep my eyes open or keep a tissue off of my nose. It's Christmas in October because I definitely look like Rudolf. I have a doctor's appointment for NEXT Thursday. The first time I've been to the doctor in almost three years. Hopefully she can let me know why my immune system sucks so bad because I seem to always be getting sick and I'm the healthiest person I know. I take vitamins, I eat right... granted I never get consistent sleep, but sometimes I get eight hours. Oh well, I've got to head to the bank and then up to New Paltz for class. Yesterday I finally bought some new shirts to fit me from Target and a new comforter for the bed (one that covers both sides of the bed, yea for oversized king comforters!). Now hopefully I don't look like too much of a slob because my clothes don't fit. Then I made dinner for the hubby that he's going to love: thin sliced chicken rolled up and stuffed with laughing cow french onion cheese and parm cheese. He's going to love it.

So, one class and one paper to write for class tomorrow morning, then I'm hitting my bottle of Nyquil because I need to get some sleep and feel better tomorrow morning. Six a.m. comes way too quick. And I've got way too much work ahead of me. I hate not being able to work out right now too because of being sick. But Friday I made an eye doctor appointment too, to figure out why my contacts are killing my one eye. I've been wearing my glasses for over three weeks now and it's getting really old...