Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Do You Think It's Possible...

I'm waiting for this magical moment where I'm not tired. I feel like one day I'm just going to wake up and not be tired. I feel like I'm going to wake up and feel refreshed. Do you think it's actually possible? Because right now I know it's only my dream. I want to be one of those people who wake up and feel like 8 hours were enough. I want to wake up and feel like 4 hours were enough. I just want to not be tired. I look in the mirror and I feel old. At 25 years old, I feel like my body is crying out loud and yelling at me to just slow down and take in the moments around me. But I can't. I can't slow down because I have to work and I have to go to school. I wish I could be one of the lucky ones— one of those kids who goes to school and mom and dad pay for it— but I know that's not possible. I know I have a better life than most of the people around me. I know that I have the best husband in the world, a beautiful home, and an amazing family. I couldn't be luckier... I just wish I could be less tired. I want to be able to wake up and go for a run. I want to feel like I have energy running through my body instead of loads of green tea. I look at my wedding band and engagement ring, I dance in the living room with my husband singing into my ear and snuggling up to my face, I look at my mom and see the most amazing person, I sit in our home drinking a cup of tea— there are so many things that I have to be grateful for. I am so blessed. I just wish I could get a few more hours of sleep.
Everyone tells me, "just a few more weeks and you're done with classes and everything can get back to normal..." — why does it feel like these next few weeks are going to go so slow and I'll never be able to sleep again? Why can't I just see that J-school will be over soon and that I won't regret it? Maybe it's because I'm so frustrated with journalism and the business aspect of it all. I went into journalism because it seemed like a great solution for finding a career that went along with my love of writing... it seemed like a good idea a few years ago- now it just looks like I'll be bartending and writing blog posts to keep myself sane.

I need to go and run. I need to do pilates. I need to do yoga. I need to snuggle up to my hubby on the couch while reading a good book. *Sigh* In just a few weeks this will all be possible... please let these next few weeks pass very quickly.

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