Stop it Little Voice...

I hate the little voice that's always been in my head telling me I'm fat. Even when I felt great, I was still fat. At least to that little voice.

But, Holy Lord I need to go back to the gym. Because honestly, I just feel like shit. I feel lazy, I feel frumpy, I feel like I've given up.

I need to start up my running. Again.

I need to start eating right. Again.

I'm so tired of complaining. I'm so tired of the woe is me shit. But man, can't I just be one of those people? The ones that annoy the shit out of everyone and say that they can eat everything, yet still remain so svelte? Well, annoying people, I guess I'm just as annoying. At least I feel that way. But i'd rather be the skinny annoying person. I'd love to tell people my whoas of being fat, as I weigh 115 pounds. But, alas, whoa is me. I'm not.

I was so proud of myself up until about a year and a half ago. Then I decided to play the woe is me game and stop working out. I'd like to say that it was just my back surgery that stopped me from working out, but i'd be lying. I mean it was definitely a factor, a huge factor actually, but after I started my recovery, I just never really got back into the swing of things, and my life kinda got crazy so I just started feeling sorry for myself and eating my feelings. Shock. Again. As always. Granted, I know i'm not the only one in the world that does this, over and over again, but man I only know how I handle it and I handle it like shit. It takes so much for me to get my ass in gear, it's taken a really long time for me to realize just how much weight i've gained, and even when i realized it months ago, I still only half-assed an attempt at working out again.

I have a half marathon i'm supposed to do in September. Or is it October? Maybe I should get on top of that.

Damn. Stupid goals I set for myself. Well, actually that my best friend sets for me to motivate my ass. Well, at least i've got that. A really great ass.

Okay. Here goes nothing. An attempt, yet again to motivate myself to work it. And work it hard.

I've been attempting to eat better for the past month or so. It's been going, okkkk. Not perfect, but not total shit either. Ok, it's a start right? Right?!

A really great person told me not to be hard on myself. It's hard not to, but she's right. It's amazing how we forget how much hard work really does pay off. It's amazing that I thought I was huge in these pictures, yet I felt more confident than I ever did.

I remember this girl. I remember my fabulous belly button ring. About time I feel proud and put that shiny thing back in there.

Here goes nothing. Again.

Back...

So, we're back from our tropical getaway, but both are feeling a little bit under the weather.  I'm hoping to get back into the swing of things soon.  Isn't that how it always happens?  You go on vacation and then end up needing a vacation from vacation.  I'm really hoping that while we're on the mend we hit the mega millions jackpot.  A dollar and a dream right?  One could only dream that vacation could just be what daily life is like.  Sigh.  While I'm sleeping, with the help of some NyQuil, I'll be thinking of beaches and drinks with umbrellas...

Vacation All I Ever Wanted...

I have never loved vacation more than I have in the past few weeks. I feel so relaxed and rested. I don't know what it is, but I'm pretty sure it's knowing that I don't ever have to step foot inside a classroom again unless I choose to. It's the best feeling in the world. I'm actually enjoying the summer and I'm enjoying work just a little bit more. Well, as much as one could really like work, I mean, it is still work.

I like taking our pup for walks down our little street. I can't help but smile when she passes by our one neighbor's house. It's like she's waiting for their little pup to come and join her for a walk... "Sophie, come out, I'm here to play..." is what I imagine every time she stops to smell around her yard. She was the only thing I missed when we went on vacation. Next time, I might just have to take her with us. Is that weird?

The hubby and I went on our "honeymoon" down to Aruba. It's pretty much become our go to spot. We love everything about it. It's quiet, it's tropical, it's safe, and it's got the perfect weather. When we dream of winning the lottery, it's our spot that we dream of buying a home at. There's nothing more that we could ask for from Aruba.

I say our "honeymoon" because our first few days were spent together, but a few days later my mom and brother joined us. It's was a great family vacation. The highlight of the family time was definitely the Land Rover tour of the island. My brother drove. I've driven with him on the highways of Florida and the country back roads in NY and let me say, I was scared. He was excited.

Now I have to admit I thought he might kill us while traveling the rough terrain, but he did an amazing job. The hubby and I still can't believe that they let people drive the vehicles through the crazy desert island trails. Going around sharp turns, up 90 degree hills, up and down rocky mountains. It was absolutely insane and so much fun. Every time the four of us and the other four passengers were flown up in the air and reminded that gravity isn't always working, we would shout my brother's name and scream for him. It was amazing. We couldn't believe what we were doing and that we were surviving this trip. We were the party jeep. I'm pretty sure we were just all excited to survive! We were covered with dirt and exhausted by the time we arrived at the natural pool area, but you couldn't really ask for more once you arrived. So beautiful, so serene, a true tropical haven. The views were amazing and the water was the perfect end to the day. I can't wait to go back to Aruba. Although I have to say, I don't think I'd do the tour again without my brother driving, I'd be too scared to trust someone else after seeing how great he did. I was waiting for payback for flipping us off of a waverunner years back, I guess he didn't want to get me back that bad after all. Good job brother, you were amazing!

The hubby and I had our romantic times and he let me be all cheesy. He's the best. From sunset tours, to walking with hand in hand on the beach, he let me be me: always capturing those little moments in my mind. He indulges me with my obsession with taking photos and my need to have moonlight walks and night time swims. He's the perfect peanut butter to my jelly.

I love summer. I'm taking a break from the stress of life and just enjoying myself. If I want to lay on the couch all day, I will. If I want to lay on the beach all day, I will. Pool? Sure. Book or movie? Well, there's always tomorrow for one or the other. I wish everyday could feel like a lazy summer day. When the hubby asks me what my plan is for my day off and I say nothing, I think he becomes impressed with my ability to lay on the couch for 15 hours. Hey, if someone has to do it, it might as well be me. Especially in our lovely central air. The joys of summer sometime include forgetting it's summer and curling up under a blanket while sipping a cup of warm tea. This is the life that I'm lucky to be living right now.