Saturday, July 18, 2009

Feeling Exhausted...

It's been a rough food week.  Again.  I just can't seem to visualize what I want.  I guess it's because I haven't had it without doing in all the wrong ways.  I Just feel like unless I'm not eating or purging then I'll never get to my image of where I want myself to be, especially on our wedding day.  Then I had my dress fitting on Wednesday and I cried.  I saw what I want to see on the day of our wedding.  I couldn't believe how many inches I've lost, even though the weight is coming off so slowly.  The dress is going to have to be taken in!  But we're waiting until August to take in the dress, just in case I lose more weight.  I was super excited!  I've been more motivated to work out though lately then to eat right.  I didn't lose weight this week at JC, but I'm hoping that's because it's that time of the month and not because I'm not working hard enough.  I just don't want this weight loss to overtake me like it has before.  I'm trying really hard to stay in control without getting crazy.  It's just hard sometimes to stick in this middle zone when you're so use to the extremes...

My session with Jen was solo this Friday because my fellow bartender was sick.  It was actually really nice to work with Jen on a one on one level.  We focused on my butt and thighs and my lower stomach.  That's me, butt and thigh girl.  But then again, I like my butt, I'm just looking for it to be tighter and not flop out to the side like a pancake when I sit.  How do women get thighs and butts that don't flop to the sides?  I'm hoping Jen has got this answer!  Because I sure as hell have tried everything and trust me, the quick fixes don't work on this forever either!  I can't wait for my next session because I feel so in the zone when I'm there.  I just wish I was in the zone all the time, especially when I'm emotionally in a place that isn't conducive to eating healthy 24/7.  Day by day I swear it gets easier, then I swear it gets harder to stay motivated.  I think I'm a bipolar weight loss addict... one day I'm looking so good and the next second I look like a cow.  Yup, definitely bipolar weight loss.  

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