Tuesday Tea Quote...

"All Love that has Not Friendship for its base is like a Mansion Built Upon the Sand."


—Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Have You Ever...

Have you ever had something so set in your mind that when it doesn't happen you just feel so deflated?  So deflated that nothing else seems to matter?

Now, I'm not using this whole, "No, I'm not pregnant yet" thing as an excuse, but man does it drag on your mind...

I have a lot of people who tell me not to think about it, then I have others who tell me to have sex everyday with the hubby, then I have ones who tell me to use ovulation tests, and then others who say to go see a doctor...

It's hard not to think about something when your life has become almost centered around it; I'm planning to have a baby, so I'm not drinking, I'm eating right, and I'm taking prenatal vitamins— it's hard not to think about it.  The sex everyday thing is just not practical, although it may be... stimulating.  The ovulation tests, I think they'd be a last resort; the hubby and I really want to try to just enjoy ourselves and not just have sex to have a baby.  I definitely don't think we're at the point of needing to see a doctor. 

So, if we're not dead set on having sex to have a baby, then why am I bitching and complaining you ask?  I don't know, is the answer.  I guess it's just because I thought it would just happen.  Like I'd be one of those lucky women who just becomes pregnant on the first try.  Or at least the second.  I guess I just never really thought we'd have to try.  I thought, OK, we'll have sex and boom, baby.  I guess it's just not that simple.  And now that I can't get it out of my mind, it weighs on me every month.

Around July I was ready, get set, go on this baby thing.  I was taking prenatal vitamins for six months.  I graduated from college.  I was ready.  But maybe God knows better or has a bigger plan.  Maybe he knows I'm not?

Then why do I feel this emptiness every month?

After the first pregnancy test was negative I started to get a little depressed.  Depression for me equals weight gain.  I don't want to get off the couch, I stop exercising, and I don't eat as well.  So no baby, but baby weight?  That just doesn't seem right.

Finally, in the past few weeks I've got it out of my head that this no baby thing is what my life should be focused on.  I started walking again.  I started my workouts again.  And I've stopped eating processed crap and started eating real food.  All the stuff I should be doing and know that I should do.  It's strange how most dieters could write the book on how to be healthy and lose weight, but when it comes down to doing it, we struggle the most.  

I try to talk to the hubby about it and he tries to be supportive.  He is supportive.  But sometimes when you get depressed and someone wants to talk to you about how to improve your faults, you can't help but get defensive.  He knows what he's talking about, but is it a copout when I say that he doesn't understand because he's never struggled with food or that he's never been a woman?  I think it's all our crazy woman hormones that make this depression/weight thing more of a struggle.  Copout?  Maybe.

I'm thankful that I'm finally getting my head together.  But I'm not going to lie and say that it's not always going to be in the back of my mind.  But I need to start focusing on ME again and not on the possibility of a baby.  So here I am, waving the white flag and basically saying screw it!  If it's going to happen, it's going to happen— I'm done talking about it and I'm done thinking that something is wrong with me if I'm not a mother.  I want to be a mom, but I'm not going to make it the focus of my life unless I actually become one.  

I've tried to let go of the idea before, hopefully this time, it will stick.

My Family Time...

I know I've mentioned it time and time again, but I love family time.  I was so excited to have my brother come and visit a few weeks back.  We made a plan to make it into Manhattan to see a show with my mom and his buddy, but I have to say, I wasn't exactly thrilled to see Avenue Q .  But that's exactly what we were heading down to see.  To my surprise, I actually really enjoyed it.  It was edgy and completely not politically correct and I loved every minute of it.

We also walked around through Macy's and through midtown.  I've never been a big fan of midtown, but we still had a great time.  The crazy part is, Macy's was already decorated for Christmas, even before Halloween hit.  Retailers are going overboard with the holidays!  I love Christmas just as much as the next person, but October?  

Have to say, it was still pretty to look at.

Selfishly, I also needed some help hanging some pictures and he has always had a knack for that sort of thing; he enjoys it, so it's not like I just used him for it.  The hubby and I have lived in our house since July 2008 and we really haven't been on top of hanging pictures or getting things on the walls.  We've been doing it slowly, but our stairway has always been left bare.  Until now...  

Our New Linen Cabinet

I love the way that it came out; everything is mismatched and I love the style of it.  I just can't believe that we finally have photos up on the walls!  It feels great and makes the space feel more homey.  Two and a half years later, things are finally falling into place when it comes to decorating.  And I'm definitely loving the fact that we have our own photos on the walls.  I love Kodak.com for all our printing!  They can make a canvas picture out of your own photos!  I love it.  I love our little home.  Thanks to my brother for helping make it feel more like home.  We both couldn't believe that we were decorating my home; how weird is that?  When did we get this old?!  Man, how time just keeps flying by...

Tuesday Tea Quote...

"A rich man is either a scoundrel or an heir to a scoundrel"


— Salada Tea Random Sayings

Halloween is Over, So Why am I Decorating Now...

Halloween is not one of my favorite holidays.  I'm not big on dressing up and if it wasn't a requirement for my job, I wouldn't ever do it.  I don't really ever recall liking Halloween that much as a kid either.  A lot of kids had those big, expensive costumes, and we always had ones that we a lot more simple.  The only costume that I ever really remember was when I was a 50's girl in a poodle skirt.  Oh, I loved that poodle skirt! 

So for the past five years I've had to dress up for Halloween for work.  It went from 70's theme, super heroes, Disney Princesses, movie stars (yea, I dressed up as Marilyn Monroe- shock) and now this year the restaurant had an 80's style theme.  I decided that I was going to go all out.  I was Peggy Bundy from Married with Children.

I'm pretty sure it was a scary costume.

Like I've said before, I've never been one for decorating for every holiday either, but I guess my family just didn't want to accept that.

My dad and his wife decided (after reading my blog) that I needed some decorations for Halloween and Thanksgiving. 

They're pretty fabulous for doing that for us and I was touched about the thought that they put into it.  The only downfall is, the puppy keeps barking at the little door handle scarecrow.  So I've had to move him away from the door by her bowls to the front door.  She still barks at him and gives her little growl, but I've decided that he's staying so she'll just have to deal with him.

So maybe next year I'll do a little bit more decorating, but I think I'm pretty satisfied with my new loot from my family.  Thanks guys!

Indianapolis on "Blue Monday"...

On our first anniversary my hubby suggested that we make a trip out to Indianapolis to see a football game.  I, of course, almost had a heart attack and agreed that he might possibly have come up with the best idea ever!  So we searched for tickets and found a Monday night football game just for us and bought them.  We debated on driving.  We debated on flying out on Monday morning.  Then we decided that the best idea was to fly out on Sunday and return to New York on Tuesday.  We found a hotel right by the stadium; why would you stay anywhere else when going to see a Colts game?  I have to say, the one nice thing about not having a baby right now, is that me and my hubby can do things on a whim.  Did I mention that this was his best idea by far?  Just checking.

Flying out of Laguardia was more simple than we thought it would be.  But then again, we have our Garmin, which is probably a life saver for anyone driving in NYC.  I'm pretty sure that GPSs have saved many a marriage.  You can't yell at each other, you can only yell at your Garmin if she messes up; which is rare.  The flight was nice and short; just the way you like a flight when you're both not a fan of flying.  When we arrived at Indianapolis airport we couldn't believe how clean it was!  It was insane.  There was even a guy with a little tennis ball on a stick getting the scuff marks off of the floors.  It was so quiet and so peaceful.  I've never been to an airport like that.  No one is running around like crazy.  No one is yelling on their cell phones.  It was like we entered the twilight zone; and it was a really great episode.

Indy is pretty amazing.  Not much to look at on the outskirts of Indianapolis; it's just really flat, everywhere.  And coming from NY where everywhere you turn there is mountains, it's just a little bit of an adjustment.  It's always weird when you travel to different parts of the US and realize that you're all Americans, but are just so very different; that everyone has such a different norm.  

Driving into Indy all I could see was Lucas Oil Stadium.  It's massive!  

I still couldn't believe that I was going to my first NFL game, to see My NFL team, in their home stadium.  How cool is my hubby?

After checking in our hotel, we took a much needed nap (Did I mention how I worked till 3 a.m., fell asleep around 5 and then woke up at 9 to head to the airport?—after doing the same thing on Friday night to take my brother to the airport on Saturday morning?)  Then we decided to walk around Indy.  It's beautiful!  It's like a big city with a small town feel.  All the stores and restaurants had blue pride in their windows, "welcome to blue country" on their doors, and Colts specials everywhere.  We went out to a great place for dinner and I was actually able to watch Sunday football!  It was great to finally see the games instead of working during them; the local wine wasn't too shabby either... a bottle and a half later, I was feeling good.

It's like how small towns in Texas go crazy for their high school football teams, but it's on a massive scale.  Their were Colts pep rallies with bands and former Colts signing autographs.  Everywhere I looked it was Colts.

The whole city was blue.  I love football.  Even the hubby said that he's never seen anything like it and he's a... JETS fan... it's like in Indy it's like they're in their own little blue bubble.  Everyone is tailgating on the streets, there are drinks for sale on every corner, and every bar is overflowing.  When we went for lunch on Monday we ended up at a place called Harry & Izzy's— little did we know that it's part owned by Peyton Manning.  When we walked in, we had to ask if the hubby needed to take his hat off (it's white table cloth) and the response was, "Oh, of course not, it's Blue Monday, it's all about the Colts..." The food was amazing and the atmosphere was great.  And on top of a great lunch, a special thanks to the Maitre-d who let us know where Manning lives while in the city.

Where Peyton Manning Lives While He's in Indy

So the hubby asks, "so now you want to move to Indy when I retire?"— 

I have to say, it's an awesome city: music, arts, zoo (we touched sharks!), museums, comedy clubs, and yet it's spotless.  

Although there is a homeless person on every corner; I'm pretty sure that each homeless guy has their own territory, because it's one on a corner, no more.  Interesting.  And yet the homeless people aren't really that dirty and they're still polite.  Weird.

I don't know if I could move somewhere so flat!  I think living in Indy would be awesome, but the outskirts of the city are blah.  The city is just awesome, but then you look around and all you see if flat land.  Coming from a country girl, I just have to see some mountains, some color, something more.

The game was amazing!  I never realized how huge the stadium was!  It was unbelievable.  Our seats were further down then we thought they were but we could still hear Peyton making his calls on the field.  I loved it!  When defense was on the field the place was insanely loud and the second that offense and Peyton stepped on the field, you could hear a pin drop; then he would shush the crowd with his hands so he could call plays and you could hear complete silence!  I'm so glad I got to experience it.  Of course, we won!  Even with lots of injuries!

We had an amazing time— even my hubby of a J-E-T-S fan had a great time.  We flew back to NY on Tuesday; the flight was so quick (1h25min) that I'm pretty sure we'll have to do it again.  Hopefully next time it's a Colts/Jets game, that way we'll have the best of both worlds and I can protect my hubby as he's heckled by the die-hard Colts fans.  Thanks hubby, this was your best idea yet!

Tuesday Tea Quote...

Lately, I've been drinking some different teas: camomile, peppermint, black cherry, jasmine green... If you know me, you know I'm a tea lover; plain, honey, lemon, sugar, or milk, it doesn't matter as long as it's tea.  I just love the ones that come with the little quotes on the tea bag.  When I was a kid we used to only drink Salada Teas and they always had witty sayings or just sayings that sounded like fortune cookies and made no sense.  I think that on Tuesdays I'll share some of my favorite ones that I find... I can't wait to tell all about our trip to Indianapolis, but flying kicks my butt... so until I recover, enjoy my first tea quote...

"Re-examine all you have been told... Dismiss what insults your Soul."

—Walt Whitman