Sometimes...

I just have to be reminded of how lucky I really am.  I know I'm lucky.  I know I'm blessed.  But it really gets hard sometimes to keep things in perspective and remember that, especially when you're knee deep in it.

I love the holidays.  Everyone loves the holidays, so I'm sure that was a silly statement, but I do.  They make me smile.  They make me remember the good memories I had from when I was a kid when all my family was together.  That's the part that makes me sad.  I haven't been able to make any good memories around the holidays in the past few years.  My hubby works.  Almost all holidays.  It's the life of a civil servant I guess.  I work holidays, but not all holidays.  That's the life of a bartender and restaurant manager I guess.  So I have this weird split between what is reality now for what the holidays are, and what my memories keep telling me the holidays are.

I want the holidays to be big again and for all of my family to get together and continue building memories.  But that's not possible.  We all have separate lives in separate states.  And none of us have kids to keep traditions going for.  It makes me sad.  I keep remembering the good old days.  I keep on trying to think of ways to build memories or make new traditions, but it's hard.  Especially, when the one you love and want to be with can't be with you on these days.  I don't blame him, I just wish it could be different.

I wish my brothers lived closer.  I wish we could start traditions in our family like we use to have in my mother's family.  I guess I get a little too nostalgic around the holidays.

I remember my brother always needing to put the tree up the second that the food was done; I'm pretty sure we always made fun of him for that— now I miss it.  The two of us would always wake up for the Macy's Thanksgiving day parade because the holidays can't officially start until Santa ends it and welcomes in the season!  Now, I wake up just in time to see Santa— at least I have that.

Everyone I talk to around my age says the same thing— the holidays just aren't like they were when we were kids.  I guess it never will be the same.  Between growing old, moving a part, divorced parents, separate lives, no little kids running around, and separation- things just will never be like what we remember them to be.

But today I am thankful.  I'm thankful for a mother and step father who are my rocks and always try to make the holidays seem special and always bring out the good China for when I'm at their table.  I'm thankful for the friends I have that treat me like a family member and made me feel like one of their own in their home today;  Marianne and Ansel you are a beautiful couple that make me want to live my life to the fullest, we may be years a part in age, but when it comes to love, we all love like children—unconditional.  Brittany, thank you for coming to my mother's table with me and sharing the holiday with us; things might not be the same as when we were kids, but we still have time to make our own traditions.

To my love, we may not be able to be together on the holidays, but we're always together.

Maybe I should break out the Christmas music.  Maybe I should put up the tree.  Maybe I'll just take a long hot bath;  I'm pretty sure that's my best option.

Do you have holiday traditions you miss or as you grow older, have you learned to adjust and make new ones?  Life is a constant adjustment, I guess I have to learn to go with the flow.

I guess I just need to know that I have things to be Thankful for and I should be happy that I have memories of fabulous holidays to always look back on... 

Happy Thanksgiving!