Childhood Crushes...

In life we all go through stages. There was a time when boys really weren't on my mind- a time when I wanted to just hang out with my friends and my family- then something happened. One night while in seventh grade, I spent the weekend at my father's house and discovered a music channel, Much Music. Even as a kid I was a night owl- it was about 2 a.m. (somehow I feel like I'm remembering the time). Either way, I was about 13 years old when the hormones turned on and I discovered the joy of boys. But not in the real sense. Let's face it, I was a chunky, nerdy, band/chorus geek, real boys were a few years off, even if this was the time I started having real crushes. From a distance. So back to my late night of t.v. watching and my big discovery. Sleeping on the pull-out sofa, flipping through the channels, I saw five young men. Five young men that sang and danced. I discovered the Backstreet Boys. Now, don't laugh. Don't judge. You know you've sang one of their songs in secret at some point in your life. "I want it that way," come on people, picture it, hear it, hum it. You just can't help yourself. You hate me don't you?

So, I was never a New Kids on the Block girl. They never peaked my interest. I was too young and let's face it, they really couldn't sing. Ouch. Sorry, I did say it. But BSB, oh yea, those harmonies pretty much made my musical hormonal heart jump and flutter. About a year after my discovery and my pleading to my mother to buy the imported CD, everyone else in my school started to discover them. All of a sudden everyone knew of the Backstreet Boys. I kind of hated it. They were mine! At least my thirteen-year-old self thought so. We all had our favorites. I was Brian's girl, my friend Trish loved Nick, and my friend Liz was a Kevin fan- sorry Howie and A.J.- you just weren't our childhood types. We would sit with our VHS tapes and rewind the concerts over and over again. The pelvic thrusts, the lifting of the shirts to show off their abs, Oh lord, we were in Heaven on our sleepover nights. This men thing was a great discovery.

I was obsessed. My walls were covered with their photos until the age of 17- yup, even after I discovered real life men, I still had these fantasy men on my walls. My highschool sweetheart would just have to understand. I even tried to send in an audition tape to Fanatic at the age of 14. Yup, Crazy. I ended up in the audience of one of the MTV shows that they were on. I was so close to them. It was great. My hair was all crazy braided. I looked ridiculous, but I thought I looked great. And Dad, keep the video tape to yourself. Burn it. Looking back on that is just a scary thought. I'm just not interested in the hubby seeing that crazy, chunky, obsessive side of me. At least until I get pregnant. Haha, sorry hubby, I had to.

I think at a young age, and feeling very insecure in myself, it was so easy to crush on these imaginary boys. By the age of 18 and two years into my high school relationship, the obsessiveness dwindled. Significantly. All of a sudden, I just liked to listen to the music. Weird. I still bought their albums, I still went to concerts. I think I have nine or ten under my belt (Including Nick Carter's solo stint). But it was just something to do with my girlfriends; it was something that we had in common.

My sweetheart was in the navy and I traveled a lot to see him. I had two stints in Japan. After the relationship went downhill we tried to work things out in Japan— it didn't work out. It was hard on me to be very alone in a strange place. While surfing the internet I found out that Nick, who wasn't my favorite, was touring in Japan. Seriously? Score, perfect timing! Yes, I found myself something to occupy my time. At least for a day or two. So I traveled to Tokyo from the outskirts of the base and went to a concert of his and then a music store appearance. It was fun and I met great people. The Japanese are so sweet. Especially the BSB fans. I stayed at the Four Seasons Hotel where he stayed and had so much fun hanging out with a group of Japanese girls. Then, I met him. I talked to him for a bit at a restaurant in the hotel. It was kind of cool because he was really down to Earth and I actually found myself not star struck anymore. I wish I could remember every word, but alas, I can't. Then he asked me my room number and he told me his room number. Yea, crazy. What the heck was I doing I thought to myself. But it was a crazy adrenaline rush. I loved it. The ex-boyfriend wasn't exactly great on my self-esteem, so having my childhood crush talk to me was kind of crazy. He went out later that night and me and the girls went out too, but I met him again outside of the club. He stopped and put his hands through my hair and said, "love your hair, you're a beautiful girl." I quote because I couldn't forget that! I got a peck and then his friend pulled his drunken mess of a self away and he said he had to go. Which was probably for the best. But I got a great memory out of it. I spent the rest of the night hanging out with his bodyguard and some of the girls in the lobby of the hotel. He was passed out. No room number was ever used, in case you thought that badly of me. Now granted, I'm pretty sure the only reason he noticed me out of the crowd was that I was the only American girl in the crowd- at 5'5 I actually stood out- the brown hair and blue eyes didn't hurt either. Once I went back to my ex's house I called my mom back in NY and told her about my experience. I was on such a high. I felt so pretty. It was a BSB that took notice of me- my childhood dream, even if he wasn't the one I crushed on as a kid, it was still something I would never forget.

Eventually when I got back home to NY I was off of my high and back to reality. No more celeb interaction. No more childhood dream. A few weeks after that Z100 had a chance to meet Nick in NY at their interview with him. I won tickets. Don't ask me how. Ok, here's how— they had people call in with their best pick up lines. Now, I'm innocent, I swear. Really, I am. But I heard this great line on a tv show so I went with it— "Hi, my name is Dana, remember it because you'll be screaming it later." Yup, I said it. I won tickets dammit! It is a good one right? Come on, I know if you're single you're going to use it. I know it. So I "met" Nick again and he remembered me. "You were in Japan right? Why the hell were you in Japan anyway?" So I told him about the navy ex and all that good stuff. He smiled. Said it was crazy. Took another pic and the rest is history. No big deal. It was fun. I was such a dork. And I loved it.

A few years ago my girlfriend and I went to another concert. It was great. But it wasn't the same. I remembered the times when I was such a little kid and that made it fun. I look at the boy bands now, the Jonas Brothers per say, and I never understand it. Maybe it's the age. Maybe it's the whole life process, but at this age, I can't understand it. I've found myself in the past couple of weeks looking for concerts for my girlfriend's bachelorette party, but they're only in the area when the hubby and I are away on vacation. I'm such a country girl when it comes to music, so the BSB are definitely a fluke in my music library, but it makes me feel like a kid again. How many people can say a star told them they were beautiful (drunken or not haha). Every once in awhile, I pop in a BSB song on my playlist just to remember the ease of childhood life when all that mattered were sleepovers, cheesy music, and staying up late with friends to watch those five guys.

Bet you didn't know this side of me— don't look down on me— you know you've hummed a BSB tune at one point or another. Just admit it, you'll feel better.