Sometimes...

I just have to be reminded of how lucky I really am.  I know I'm lucky.  I know I'm blessed.  But it really gets hard sometimes to keep things in perspective and remember that, especially when you're knee deep in it.

I love the holidays.  Everyone loves the holidays, so I'm sure that was a silly statement, but I do.  They make me smile.  They make me remember the good memories I had from when I was a kid when all my family was together.  That's the part that makes me sad.  I haven't been able to make any good memories around the holidays in the past few years.  My hubby works.  Almost all holidays.  It's the life of a civil servant I guess.  I work holidays, but not all holidays.  That's the life of a bartender and restaurant manager I guess.  So I have this weird split between what is reality now for what the holidays are, and what my memories keep telling me the holidays are.

I want the holidays to be big again and for all of my family to get together and continue building memories.  But that's not possible.  We all have separate lives in separate states.  And none of us have kids to keep traditions going for.  It makes me sad.  I keep remembering the good old days.  I keep on trying to think of ways to build memories or make new traditions, but it's hard.  Especially, when the one you love and want to be with can't be with you on these days.  I don't blame him, I just wish it could be different.

I wish my brothers lived closer.  I wish we could start traditions in our family like we use to have in my mother's family.  I guess I get a little too nostalgic around the holidays.

I remember my brother always needing to put the tree up the second that the food was done; I'm pretty sure we always made fun of him for that— now I miss it.  The two of us would always wake up for the Macy's Thanksgiving day parade because the holidays can't officially start until Santa ends it and welcomes in the season!  Now, I wake up just in time to see Santa— at least I have that.

Everyone I talk to around my age says the same thing— the holidays just aren't like they were when we were kids.  I guess it never will be the same.  Between growing old, moving a part, divorced parents, separate lives, no little kids running around, and separation- things just will never be like what we remember them to be.

But today I am thankful.  I'm thankful for a mother and step father who are my rocks and always try to make the holidays seem special and always bring out the good China for when I'm at their table.  I'm thankful for the friends I have that treat me like a family member and made me feel like one of their own in their home today;  Marianne and Ansel you are a beautiful couple that make me want to live my life to the fullest, we may be years a part in age, but when it comes to love, we all love like children—unconditional.  Brittany, thank you for coming to my mother's table with me and sharing the holiday with us; things might not be the same as when we were kids, but we still have time to make our own traditions.

To my love, we may not be able to be together on the holidays, but we're always together.

Maybe I should break out the Christmas music.  Maybe I should put up the tree.  Maybe I'll just take a long hot bath;  I'm pretty sure that's my best option.

Do you have holiday traditions you miss or as you grow older, have you learned to adjust and make new ones?  Life is a constant adjustment, I guess I have to learn to go with the flow.

I guess I just need to know that I have things to be Thankful for and I should be happy that I have memories of fabulous holidays to always look back on... 

Happy Thanksgiving!

Oh My, Is It Valentine's Day...

I've never been a big Valentine's Day person; it might just be because I never really felt like I had a sweetheart who cared about it like I did.  When you're a kid it's all about getting those little paper Valentine's cards and you hope, for some reason, that someone will give you a special one that they didn't pick out for the rest of the class.  When you're a teenager you start to realize that you want romance, you want someone to send you flowers to school or have them waiting at your car or on your front porch when you get home from classes.  A lot of the time you're disappointed.  Sometimes your high school sweetheart just isn't the guy on the white horse that you made him out to be.

Not to say I never had a good Valentine's day when I was younger, but it always felt like something your man had to do, not something that he really wanted to do because he felt you were special.  It was more like, well it's Valentine's day, so here's your flowers (the one's that still have the sticker on them from the local gas station).  Put a little romance into it fellas!

Then I met my hubby.  He just makes Valentine's day special.

I can't explain it.  It's not about the money he spends or the dinners out we have had, it's about the fact that I know he does it just to make me smile and feel like a princess.

He's a keeper (better be right? That's why I married him!).

We decided a few weeks ago that instead of going crazy for Valentine's Day on presents (like he knows how to do! and I don't know how to do—what do you buy your man for Valentine's Day anyway? unless of course he's a metrosexual, then you could just buy him a shirt I guess)... Anyway, he's great at buying presents and I feel horrible at it, so we decided that we would buy each other the full set of Rosetta Stone in Spanish (latin america) and that we would try to talk to each other in Spanish as much as possible once we both got started.  I think it was a wonderful idea.  The two of us nerds have been sitting here since Sunday throwing out sentences to each other and then translating; it's been fun, we're learning, we're dorks, and he didn't get a chance to really top me this year.  At least I thought...

The doorbell rang around 11 a.m. and who is it but the Lorel Grove delivery people sending me my flowers.  Now, I tried to convince him that he didn't need to "waste" his money on flowers this year, but that man of mine, heard the words "waste money on roses" so, instead he bought me tulips (Which my mom says the seeds are plantable, so I'm prepared to kill the flowers again promptly around spring time—that is when you plant flowers right?)  

I've never received tulips before and they're beautiful!  He really does know how to make me smile when I least expect it.  He's too cute and a romantic, whether he knows it or not.  

We went to Peters for dinner at 5 o'clock (early bird special people we are!) and it was fantastic!  Although, we both have to admit, our experience was much like the Valentine's day episode from Modern Family this past week... What can we say?  We like to eat early, just like the old people in diapers (no joke, there was definitely a woman wearing diapers there) Sigh.  Oh, romance!  But I enjoyed every moment of that delicious garlic soup because after today, no more dairy for me!  I need a new way of looking at food, not just cream and cheese... 

Despite our early reservation, we had a great time, we had an amazing time.  The food was perfect, we had complimentary champagne, and of course, bread shaped in a heart (these are the moments that I actually wish I charged my phone)!  Hopefully, we'll be one of those customers in our early 80's going out to dinner hoping we don't fill up the diaper too quickly (just kidding folks, just kidding!).

So our Valentine's dinner ended a little after six and to my surprise, the hubby offered to go and pick up the desk I ordered from Home Decorators.  I was a little worried, after my adventure with my mom in traffic last week, that we wouldn't get there before the store closed, but he assured me that either way, it would be a nice drive together.  And it was.  Thankfully, the store was open too (again, because I had to hit the bathroom! damn bladder) but also because I was really looking forward to seeing this desk in our office (well his office, since I barely use it, but then again, now I'm up here often because of the Rosetta Stone setup we have going, I guess I can really say, our office).

 He's such a trooper.  After a romantic dinner and a really long drive through the back country of New Jersey, he's in the office, as I type on his computer, putting the desk together for me.  

Now that ladies and gentlemen is what I call romance!  But hey, I even opened his beer for him, so I'm sure he thought that was really romantical too...

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy New Year?...

I may just be one of those cynics who doubts the power of the new year and doubts the ability of people to change once a new year begins.  Everyone is making new year's resolutions and vowing to change for the new year, but over the years, I've finally stopped believing in the power of the new year.  I know that every resolution I've ever made has fallen on my own deaf ears.  I know that if I want to change a bad habit or start good ones, it's not going to happen just because the calendar happens to say January 1st.  

Does this make me a bad person?  Or just honest?

When I was a kid I would spend new year's eve with my Grama and my brother; he always went crazy cutting up confetti and then vacuuming it up later.  I loved watching the old shows that came on TV after midnight and eating popcorn.  I still love popcorn—thanks Gram!

When I was a teenager I was so caught up in the hype of new years.  I remember my parents going out and I was left to watch the ball drop on TV all on my own.  Just me and my teddy bear.  I would cry.  But why was I crying?  I don't think I even knew why other than that everyone on TV was partying with friends and snuggling up to the cutie next to them.  My boyfriend at the time wasn't home and I just felt so alone.  But why does it get so much more heightened because it's new year's eve?  Damn media and advertising.

Ever since I met my hubby I've had a new year's kiss at the stroke of midnight.  That I am thankful for.  I used to think that not being kissed at midnight was the worst thing possible!  Now, I hate to admit, I hate the idea even more, now that I know what it's like to have someone to hold for the new year and for every day after.  It's not about the power of new years, it's just knowing that with each year passing I become happier and happier that I've met the love of my life.  So, I guess I sometimes get caught up in the hype as well, even as an "adult."  After having years and years without it, I need my midnight kiss.

I work every new year's eve and I love to see people having fun.  Now I'm a part of those old memories I have from when I was a kid, I'm just not dancing it up; which is fine by me since I have two left feet.  I look forward to Twilight Zone marathons and Honeymooners marathons.  Now that is the joy of the new year; somethings that are old just never get old.  

Halloween is Over, So Why am I Decorating Now...

Halloween is not one of my favorite holidays.  I'm not big on dressing up and if it wasn't a requirement for my job, I wouldn't ever do it.  I don't really ever recall liking Halloween that much as a kid either.  A lot of kids had those big, expensive costumes, and we always had ones that we a lot more simple.  The only costume that I ever really remember was when I was a 50's girl in a poodle skirt.  Oh, I loved that poodle skirt! 

So for the past five years I've had to dress up for Halloween for work.  It went from 70's theme, super heroes, Disney Princesses, movie stars (yea, I dressed up as Marilyn Monroe- shock) and now this year the restaurant had an 80's style theme.  I decided that I was going to go all out.  I was Peggy Bundy from Married with Children.

I'm pretty sure it was a scary costume.

Like I've said before, I've never been one for decorating for every holiday either, but I guess my family just didn't want to accept that.

My dad and his wife decided (after reading my blog) that I needed some decorations for Halloween and Thanksgiving. 

They're pretty fabulous for doing that for us and I was touched about the thought that they put into it.  The only downfall is, the puppy keeps barking at the little door handle scarecrow.  So I've had to move him away from the door by her bowls to the front door.  She still barks at him and gives her little growl, but I've decided that he's staying so she'll just have to deal with him.

So maybe next year I'll do a little bit more decorating, but I think I'm pretty satisfied with my new loot from my family.  Thanks guys!

Decorating for Halloween...

I want to be one of those people that decorates for every little holiday, but I just can't seem to do it. I go to stores like TJ Maxx, Homegoods, and even A.C. Moore, and I see all these wonderful little decorations that are filled with my favorite fall colors, but I just can't seem to open my wallet to pay for it. I see cute wreaths with fall leaves and sunflowers and I grab it and put it in my bag, but then I look at the price tag: $19. Why can I pay $200 for a piece of furniture, but when it comes to a $19 wreath, I can't seem to do it? So I put it back on the shelf and keep saying, "maybe when it goes on sale." Then at least I'd have it for next year, right?

Maybe it's because it's just me, the pup, and the hubby in our house. Maybe it's because in two years, there have been absolutely no tricker treaters that come to our door. But who would I be decorating for?

I always love decorating for Christmas, but it's Christmas! We actually have people stop by and even if we didn't, it's Christmas! I have a really hard time taking down my Willow Tree Manger, so it's usually up until February...

So tell me, does it change if you become a mother? Is that when you want to decorate for every holiday?

I see these decor bloggers decorate to the nines for every holiday and I think, I should do that when (insert holiday) comes around. But I never do.

So until I become motivated to decorate for the holidays, this is how far I got this year...

Now isn't that the cutest six cent pumpkin you've ever seen?