Exhausting...

This weekend was just too jam packed with things to do.  That whole saying, "there's just not enough hours in the day" definitely fit my entire weekend to a tee.  

I've been working on a website for my job for awhile; since it needed to be done for Monday when we release our new menu, I felt a tad overwhelmed.  (I really try to make this blog about anything and everything BUT my job because I spend way too much time thinking about it already, but it's the reason that I've been MIA).  We had a staff meeting to introduce the new items and address other issues, I helped with menus, took photos, and edited photos... I'm tired of looking at a computer screen.  Isn't that ironic, as I sit here and blog?

I lost a ton of sleep on Friday because of my stress levels.  I thought to myself that I shouldn't take a melatonin to help me sleep because I didn't want to feel groggy the next morning, but instead I had about an hour of tossing and turning sleep.  I even resorted to the couch because the hubby started snoring, but only Luna fell asleep, I just laid wide awake.  

So instead of moping around I hit the gym hard after a night of not sleeping.  I've been completely motivated by friends, customers, and family members loyal support.  The hearing, "You look great D", or "Good job I can tell you're doing something, you look awesome," is really keeping me on track.  Hearing a stranger or two tell me I have great style while I was in the check out line also doesn't hurt. 

I think I'm exuding some sort of confidence I never thought I would ever have.  Hopefully, it stays that way.  But hopefully, I'll also learn to use my workouts as a way to de-stress from my day or mentally prepare myself for my day, instead of keeping that pent up tension that I have from the daily goings on in life.  I'm still learning here people.

I did have a nice lunch with my Dad, which has been long overdue.  It was a nice tradition that we picked up for a good year, that I was happy to have back again.  He's been having a hard couple of weeks and I was happy to listen to him vent.  He lost his brother and is a little stressed.  Sorry to say I didn't know my uncle, or any of my father's family really, but I hate to see anyone I love sad.  

After an unexpected, huge, busy, day at work on Saturday, I was totally prepared for a huge Super Bowl Sunday, only to have it completely flop.  Oh well, I guess when a local team is in the big game, everyone decides to keep game time at home to stay safe.  There's always next year, right?

I'm looking forward to Monday so much.  I love Mondays.  A little work, a little guitar, a little me time, and a lot of home time with my family.  Basically, a lot of what I love.  Happy Monday everyone!

There are Times When I Hate Being a Woman...

Have you ever felt that way?  Even if you're not a woman, have you ever just hated being you?  Even just for a second?  Have you thought about how nice it would be just to have someone else's life just for a moment in time?

When you're walking down the streets of NYC and you see someone with impeccable style and you think, "wow, I wish I had the guts/money to wear that?"  Or you see the girl running on the Hudson river overlooking Manhattan and you think, "I wish I had the energy to do that?"  Then you see the woman pushing a stroller in her skinny jeans and you think, "wow, she's got a baby and she's still got it together."  I don't look that good and I don't have a baby!

Sometimes you just wish you had it all.

You think about buying an extra MegaMillions ticket.  You think about the choices you make on a daily basis that put you where you are.  Maybe I should have bought that extra ticket, maybe then the hubby wouldn't have to go to work.  I miss him when he's at work.

Am I the cheesy housewife?

Yesterday I found myself explaining the Fall weather to the puppy.  She stood on the porch with the wind blowing on her and she looked at me like, "what's going on?"  So I stood there and held her and explained that a storm was coming.  What the hell is wrong with me?!

Never in my life did I think that I would want to have a child.  That's right, I said it.  And it ends up that every month I'm disappointed.

After years and years of saying, "whoohoo, no baby this month."  Now I'm saying, "yea, well, no baby for us."

It's not like we're trying, trying.  I just started having this hope that it would just happen when we least expected it.  Just like finding each other.

I don't want to ever have to make a thing of it.  I hate myself for thinking about it.  I never thought I'd do this.  When we first met we both weren't big on kids; how does it happen?  How do you suddenly change your mind?  I always thought I'd be a career woman.  Now I love being a wife and dream of being a mom to our kid.  Just one, God, that's all I ask for.  But if He's got other plans for me, I'm OK with it.  I swear.  I just wish He'd let me know as soon as possible so I can get this out of my head.

Can I be the woman who has it all?  Can I be the one that has it all together?

I have a great hubby, a great house, a job that I enjoy (most of the time)— I'm just looking for the me that goes for a run because it's what I enjoy (not what I NEED to do), I'm looking for the moment that I can just write books and not worry about the day to day crap that comes with paying bills and making ends meet, and I'm looking for a little baby of our own.  Maybe I can make the first two happen, if I had a little bit more drive.  But the last one is in the hand's of God.  I leave that up to Him.

But where exactly does drive come from?  And how can I cash in on it?

Do you know anyone that has it ALL — maybe it's all a facade.  Maybe we're just made to think that having it all is the way to go.  Maybe I should just be blessed because I have an amazing hubby who loves me more than anything, a family that loves me not because they have to but because they choose to (oh, and Hi Dad, thanks for reading)...  I am a lucky woman.

Maybe I should just count my blessings and stop stressing.

It's a New Day...

I've been a little busy lately. I decided to reinstall my InDesign program that I used for my copyediting and layout class, in order to play around with some ideas I've had. One was to make a new banner for my blog. I think it turned out pretty good. What do you think? The other InDesign project was to do a drink menu for the restaurant I work at. Business has been great, but having a drink menu on a table is like bringing a kid to the check out lane with candy at Walmart; you know somehow they just can't resist. I have to do a little editing, but I'm pretty happy with the outcome, so hopefully they'll be coming to a table near you. Well, if you eat at the restaurant I work at.

On top of being sick for the past few days, I've been emotionally drained as well. My internship with the magazine is overwhelming. I just can't understand why the PR people for these companies don't contact you when you're basically offering free publicity. I've sent out so many e-mails in the past two months. So many are unanswered. But I have to admit, when the editor/publisher showed me the mock up of the one section I worked on and I saw my name in the byline, I couldn't help but smile from ear to ear. I know it's cheesy. I know it's nothing too exciting other than product information, but look mom, I picked those products! I wrote that product information! Pretty exciting stuff right? Not really, but it did make me smile. And I'm sure my mom will too. But I've found out through this internship that this is not for me. I want to write. I want to be creative. I want to not stare at computer screens looking for products that I'll never be able to afford. I want to write about lives and impact lives. One day I'll get there.

I'm trying to live with this in mind

My hubby is a great person to get advice from. At the beginning of last semester I thought I was going to absolutely fail all of my classes, but the hubby wouldn't let me get down on myself. I was wrong about failing the semester. Even though it was my hardest, it was also my best. I grew so much as a writer and had amazing teachers. I also learned to use InDesign, which I plan on playing around with more and more. I may not be great at it yet, but it's just fun to play around with.

Right now I'm trying to get things together after having contractors in the house. I still need to call the painter and I still need to have the new mirror put up. I'm still staring at the plastic covered shower wall when I take a bath. But then I sit there in the warm bubbles with the jets pressing against my skin and I actually forget that this is what I'm looking at...